Ghosts in the wire...

Motivation:

"A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits."
~Richard Nixon

Diary:

This week has been one distraction after another - some self induced, some were random glitches - either way two rules apply:

1) If it has wheels - it will cause you frustration and grief.
2) If it has a computer chip - it will cause you frustration and grief.

I am not saying I don't enjoy and rely on things with computer chips and wheels, but when they start breaking, they don't seem to stop.

This week, I am trying to get back to speed with fun things, like the podcast production, but am finding that my computer is not co-operating.

• I installed a piece of hardware that in retrospect, I should have not - It was a "nice to have" item, and I realize that this installation was a mistake - resulting in a disaster for my computer.
• My iPod just died the other day - couldn't sync with my computer, then gave me the "bad iPod icon" and finally didn't start up at all. My solution to this problem was the same as my solution to many problems - set it down and walk away. Sometimes tears are also involved, and "Why me, Lord.. Why me?!" sobs.
  
• My computer gave all signs of being infected with a virus, however I could not find one thing in my tests. Finally figured out that it is an incompatibility with Windows Vista and the virus removal tool that I was using. I am really starting to get annoyed with Vista - more and more each day. I am not yet ready to ditch the whole thing, but it is close.. Maybe if I continue to have problems.
• Microsoft Outlook had amnesia - forgot who it was, and who I was. Wouldn't recognize my PDA or sync my files. I had to restore the application - should be done after a reboot.
• Had errors while trying to update the drivers for my laptop docking bay, maybe this is some of the problem. I will try to resolve this tonight before bed.
• This morning, I turned on my iPod and it works - no bad icons, no unhappy crying. ???? What the ?$#@*^
  
• Tonight, I try again with getting my computer working.
• I am having troubles fixing my car. I just need the Left (Driver side) Front Door Window Regulator Assembly for a 2002 Buick Rendezvous. Shouldn't be too hard, huh? There is a place in Blaine that has one - but I haven't the time or energy to go there and get it. Perhaps I will order one on the internet. Either way, I am reminded every time I get into my car of this half-finished project. It is annoying.
  

These are all distractions that get me off course with the other 58 items that have been on my task list. This is making me feel like I am "behind" with the goals and the challenges that I have in front of myself, but alas - such is life.

new measurements and calculations for my weight loss posted on the sidebar. - I hit my last goal - 330 lbs - so I have put up a new goal - under 297 - which will get me past my first major goal of under 300lbs. This should be fun.

Tomorrow I have my annual physical, so this may add for another blog story. I know that tomorrow will be a challenging day, because I had to schedule the visit for the evening hours (after work) and they want to get blood samples, this means that I need to fast from eating for 8 to 10 hours. I am planning on having breakfast, then no food during the workday, and waiting until AFTER the doctors visit to have my meal. It is an interesting challenge, as I have been pretty structured with my eating schedule. The timing is also interesting, due to the theme of the sermons at church this month. The theme has been about the things that I have been working on - specifically "HABITS, RITUALS, and BEHAVIOR" in relationship with God. We received handouts the other week entitled "Creative Ideas for Sacrifice through Fasting". This wasn't focused on a restraint from eating, but from all "Distractions" (aka Clutter) that keep us to be not focused on God. These distractions could be Newspapers, TV, Games, Crafts, Social Events, Consumption-related activities, Negative Thoughts, Critical Words, Rushed sense of nature, on and on and on. Very good sermon, and I will most likely think about this some more to link together the Renaissance Man with Spirituality. It is a worthy project to consider, even if it doesn't really hit the mark completely.

I saw recently that "SuperSize Me" was on TV, and I enjoyed watching it again, for the 2nd time. If you haven't seen it, I would recommend it. Very interesting take on how the fast food and commercial food industry spends so much money getting us fat - and some of us have an addictive nature that they really leverage to make $$. Compare the amount that McDonald's and Hershey's spend on marketing and labelling, compared to the amount that the Dept of Health spends ensuring kids have healthy, nutrient filled meals - the numbers are shocking.

I also saw a documentary on a man living in Mexico (I think) who weighed over 1200 lbs. He was confined to his bed and had to have a friend wash him 2 times a week, to make sure that he did not get bed sores. He decided to lose weight, and got help from "The Zone" diet founders, who helped him and monitored his loss. He lost 300+ lbs in the first year of the diet, and was still a huge man, but he was moving around in bed - I could see the change in his voice and in the way he did little things like shifted. It was a very interesting story, and I think I found a lot of it to be similar to my thoughts at the 500lb weight area. I would like to know if this guy is still losing. Very interesting. I think the show was called "Worlds Fattest Man" - horrible title for a show, but fascinating to live through his eyes as he attempts to retrain his body from the inside.

Speaking of this, I was reading a Men's Health article that I think maybe I already wrote about, but deserves another reading:

Once You Have Fat, You Can Never Go Back

The average American has about 30 billion fat cells that can expand up to 1,000 times their original size. But a fat cell can get only so big; once it reaches its physical limit, it creates multiples, leaving you with two or more fat cells for the price of one. Only problem: Fat cells have a no-return policy. Once you have a fat cell, you're stuck with it. So as you grow fatter and double the number of fat cells in your body, you also double the difficulty you'll have losing the lipids inside them.

The Badness of Belly Fat

Many of us tend to store fat in our bellies, and that's where the health dangers of excess weight begin. Abdominal fat doesn't just sit there and do nothing; it's active. It functions like a separate organ, releasing substances that can be harmful to your body.

For instance, it releases free fatty acids that impair your ability to break down the hormone insulin (too much insulin in your system can lead to diabetes). Fat also secretes substances that increase your risk of heart attacks and strokes, as well as the stress hormone cortisol (high levels of cortisol are also associated with diabetes and obesity as well as with high blood pressure). Abdominal fat bears the blame for many health problems because it resides within striking distance of your heart, liver, and other organs--pressing on them, feeding them poisons, and messing with their daily function.

You can read the rest of the article at Men's Health site - link to it here.

This idea of this "abdominal fat" organ in your body - out to release toxins to help keep you fat, or worse - what a real bummer. Right now, I can tell that this "quatto-like" (watch Total Recall for the reference) entity is in my way. I am really ready to get rid of this extra gut that is doing nothing for me but releasing fatty acids, and stress hormones. This is a real reason why people (including me) take so long to start losing weight. Not only do you have a mental barrier and emotional attachment to food, but you really have a physical entity (body fat) that is an active organism trying to defeat you from weight loss. It is putting nasty bits into your bloodstream in hopes to counteract all of the hard work you have been doing. AND - It gets bigger by dividing it cells!! Dang man - that sucks.

Well, that is enough for now. I had a few people this week say that they "think I am losing weight". "Oh, really?" "Huh, I will have to check." has been my response. One of my friends at church said "Admit it - you have lost 100lbs," to which I had to fess up - yes, I have lost 100lbs.

The weird thing is, to be honest, that I have been looking at my pictures and reviewing the stats from day one. It took me over a year to lose the first 100lbs, but I didn't move down but 2 inches on my waist. Now that I am losing the 2nd of the 100lbs, I am starting to move down in pant size - 8 sizes so far - and people are just starting to notice. During the first 100lbs loss, the "onlookers" showed very little encouragement or acknowledgment about the changes that were going on in me. (Not speaking about the loyal people who believe in me and faithful readers of "Chazz Vader" blog, who always are encouraging and inspiring - thank you.) That first stretch was harder, due to the reasons listed above about toxins and so forth. Now that I am starting to beat that fat organism with pure stubborn tenacity, it is starting to surrender itself. I have to kick it daily, or else. My metabolism is starting to conquer the toxins being exuded by this lard-filled Jabba that is hanging on to me. When I start on the 3rd set of 100lbs - I am assuming that this is the time where people will start to notice changes and say nice things to me. What a backwards world.

Rant over. That was somewhat therapeutic. The moral? - Encourage people around you and congratulate them on successes. Have faith, and just let them know you are willing to support and love them along the journey. Don't worry about the response, just watch and enjoy. Most people need help and encouragement while in the valley, during the battle, not necessarily after they are on the mountaintop.

One more thing along this line of getting things done and motivations. I heard an interview with Sgt. John Kriesel. Kriesel is a Minnesota National Guardsmen who lost both of his legs in a blast near Fallujah on December 2nd. He spoke on the radio about his schedule, to go back Walter Reid Hospital and do physical therapy. When asked if things were getting easier or harder with his recovery and therapy, his answer was "Right now, I don't think in terms of easier or harder - it is always hard, but I have been told that this is my job right now - to recuperate." I was impressed with the answer. It is his job and duty to recover from his injury and continue to push the boundary of his physical ability. I cannot imagine what a struggle this is, but I am envisioning a discussion with his superior "You're current assignment is to overcome your disability and be physically, mentally and emotionally mean and lean."

The reason for me linking this particular interview, was during a discussion at my clinic. The counselor asked if I was working out. I indicated that I was starting to train for the 5k, and doing some elliptical aerobic work. She was very excited, and I stated that "It is part of my job." I think I confused her - because I didn't mean, my "work-job", but my "life-job". I guess I have started to internalize that it is my duty to continue this weight loss and training project to completion. I am into the habits and see this as more than just a project, this is my job - to get this done.


more later,

Chazz