If you aren't wearing Dockers, you are just wearing pants....

Motivation:

"Far better it is to dare mighty things to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered with failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that know not victory or defeat."
~Theodore Roosevelt

Diary:

Walking around SuperTarget, purchasing some vegetables, I saw a small boy running with some peppers. When he reached his mother, she scolded him, saying "No Danny, we only buy organic, we only buy ORGANIC!!" (For some reason this has stuck in my head this week. ORGANIC, ORGANIC, ORGANIC echo in my mind. She had a 'valley girl' accent, so it sound like a plea "orGANic". Lord help us, Danny, if our family's lips ever touch fruits and vegetables that aren't stamped as "ORGANIC"! PUT THAT DOWN DANNY, IS IT ORGANIC?)

For those who don't know, I must indicate that for the most part, there is very little difference between regular vegetables and those marked "organic". The federal government's rules about how foods are labeled is a confusing mystery, so for the most part even buying only organic foods doesn't mean you are going to be healthier or have better foods. You can debate this if you wish, but I think running after your children, haunting them about the evils of not eating organic..... well, I can think of better ways to use your time here on earth.


So, let's talk about Weight Loss, huh? Or, more specifically the lack thereof. On Tuesday, I was UP 5 pounds and I am not sure why. The counselors weren't sure why either. Here is the story: I am just doing the same thing all the time, and this has been resulting in weight loss. Every time - I weigh less - every time. Three things (more than three, but three major things) account for this:

1) I think of it as a game - with many mini-games. For men, at least, I am unsure about women, like to make games out of projects. Some of it is competitive, some of it is just to make it more understandable. Plus, Games are Fun, Work is Not. So, using helpers, such as Joe's Goals (see the chart at the bottom of the page) to track progress and mini-challenges help. For example, yesterday and today, I am doing a plateau breaker, only eating certain foods in order to trick my body into not knowing what is coming next. It is not fun - and somewhat annoying - but last night I played "how many stomach growls can you count in a minute". At the time, this game occupied my mind and made feeling hungry a fun thing to do. Now that I am writing this, it doesn't seem that fun - sounds like a game they might play at Guantanamo Bay. Ok, so maybe this particular game wasn't a good example, but I think you get the idea. Since this particular game ends tonight, it isn't such a big deal.

2) Training for the 5K in September helps to focus. This whole weight loss thing has caused me to become somewhat of a nuisance to people around me - due to a few things. First is that I think about food a lot - not that I think about eating food - but just the opposite. I have to spend a lot more time considering and planning for what I am NOT going to eat, based on what I am going to do that day. A great example was last Saturday. I planned on playing Golf with my friend all the way across town. This was fine, except after we were done, I was hungry and the offer to stay and have lunch and play games was put on the table. I was very interested in playing games and hanging out with my friends - but the idea of lunch was a big concern, causing me to become somewhat frantic (what do I do? will I find food I can have?) I have so many restrictions of what I cannot eat, that it simply is not fair for me to force this upon others. I don't want to cause my hosts to change their plans just because I was a lazy fat bum in my past. My current diet restrictions are my cross to bear, and I shouldn't be making conditions on others to change their plans for me.
So, I was pleased that they offered me chicken (good protein), had some lettuce for a salad, and some edemame (soy beans) which were a fun new snack. I went to Target, and bought some Melba toast for my starch and some peaches for fruit, and luckily had brought my weight loss supplements with me. I did not bring any snacks or energy drinks, which I usually take every day, but overall made it through the day alive.
I do spend about 20 minutes each day just spent planning my food lists for the upcoming time frame, to make sure I have my bases covered. I worry about this, however, as I don't want to come across as paranoid about it.
When I went to the clinic on Tuesday, someone there said "How do you stick to it for so long (16 weeks straight)? I broke down and had to eat some spaghetti last night." I was somewhat at a loss for words at this confession. My answer "I just stay focused and do what is on the list to do." The focus at this time is the 5K race in late September. I was just thinking, if I 'broke down' and ate spaghetti, well, a) it wouldn't be the end of the world, nor would I consider it a 'break down' necessarily, and b) I am starting to get pumped about running a 5k race, but realize I am a long way from physically ready to compete. I am focused to keep getting to a point that I can run the race without completely embarrassing myself.

3) Chazz Vader is a pseudonym, duh. Having an alias is a great tool to use in a very difficult project. (Oh, for those who don't know - Chazz Vader isn't my real name. Sorry for the bubble burst. Let me explain, however, that "Yes, Virginia, there is a Chazz Vader.") Having a secret identity helps in a couple ways: 1) Chazz is somewhat transparent, willing to share his thoughts and current status and concerns freely. Chazz doesn't really care what you think about him, and he is kind of a bad-ass because of this. You can rip Chazz, and he doesn't mind. Don't get me wrong, Chazz is fun and friendly and smart, smarter than a lot of people, and has perfect teeth. Chazz can be perfect even when his real-life persona is full of defects and physically, emotionally, and mentally dragging. 2) Chazz, at times, is the cross between a pit-bull and a robot. The pit-bull grabs onto a subject and doesn't let go. I heard that a pit-bull has a nose designed in such a way that allows it to continue to breathe normally while chomped down on an item. What a cool concept. The robot part of Chazz allows him to just follow routine over and over and over and over again - you can program a robot to do something that you don't feel you have the energy to do, and it will just do it without question.
I have at times thought "I can't do that," or "that will be humiliating" - so I just give it to Chazz. Ha! Chazz will do it. It is a lot easier to say "Let's watch as Chazz runs 2 miles today on the treadmill" than to actually have to do it. It makes things more of a lab experiment. "What happens if we have Chazz do xxx?" Can I lose 170lbs? Maybe - but I know that Chazz can do it, so let's give this to him.
It seems weird, and perhaps it is another reason to have me committed. Chazz is not a multiple personality, nor does he ever 'take over' like a conjurer. He is simply a helper - sort of like my other helpers, such as "RoboDriver" who I use during long drives cross-country. If I am starting to get tired, RoboDriver "engages" for a while, allowing me to reset my brain.

I think - with that last paragraph - I have guaranteed that no one will ride with me again.


Notes:

#Diet#

As always, check the sidebar for the current stats. My stomach is slowly - think snail-like motion - reducing it's size.

WOO-HOO - Down another 5lbs this week. I am very close to breaking the 300lb mark. I am just doing the routine - eating right, keeping the diary, drinking water, working out 30min a day, 5 days a week, sleeping, taking my vitamins and supplements (daily vitamin, omega oils, carb blockers, energy boosters, vitamin E, C, etc).


#Exercise#

I started treadmill work, in preparation for the 5k. I was at the gym, and all the elliptical machines were in use, so I decided to try to use the treadmill. My last experience with a treadmill was not so great, so I was sort of not expecting much. To my surprise, I went 30 minutes on the treadmill and it felt good. I found out 2 days later, however, that my legs were not ready for it. It felt as if someone was pulling a string from the bottom of my heels to the middle of my back, tighter and tighter as the day went on. Very uncomfortable feeling. I am glad to know this, however, this means that I will need to build up to the 3.2 mile run. I hope to get together with my friend Kurt soon, so we can make a real training game plan.


#Fine Art#

I am starting to feel better about my musical abilities. The band I am playing with is filled with great talent and great people. I enjoy playing and being with these guys, and I hope this group does really well. I especially appreciate how they help me and are patient with me. I brought the guitar to practice this week, and am planning to play the guitar for a few songs, and maybe the harmonica for a song, and accordian for the rest.

Overall, the rehearsal was good and more importantly, fun. I plan on attending more rehearsals.

#Geek#

So much geek stuff, it is hard to tell it all. I procured some deals to enhance my geekdom. I have a new nice 22-inch widescreen lcd monitor, which I found at a steal, a wireless keyboard and mouse - open box 1/2 price item, and more memory for my computer that I found online at a major discount - I can't wait!

Going back to Windows XP from Vista has made my life much easier. I am planning on updating my websites to reflect some information I discovered at a conference. Technology is very exciting - if you are a super nerd.

#Money#

I am staying consistent with my savings challenges, which has caused me to be very inventive with my shopping patterns. (Although it seems that I am buying a lot of stuff, I actually am being very patient and purchase things only when I see the best deals possible. I am pretty stingy when it comes to price, and will vocalize to the people at the stores what I would be willing to pay.)
Actually, traveling to other countries has made me more open to this barter. I will barter for odd things at times, just to see if I can get away with it, such as telling a grocery store manager "I would pay 50cents for this green pepper, even though you have it listed for $1." Most of the time, I get weird looks, and many stores (like a Best Buy) have no ability to change their prices at the store level without some justification, but every now and then, the worker will see that I am willing to pay something, just not what it is listed at, and will give me a discount.
Normally this occurs at my local hardware store, but I have had this work at a clothing store, and a department store. And once at a grocery store - just because I had something with me at the checkout lane, but decided I didn't want it. When asked, I just said I couldn't justify the price (It was something $2.99 item, like strawberries, or something). The checkout girl said "Yeah, these are not as good quality as normal - could I give you a discount?" I paid a dollar for them, and I felt like it was a win-win. The barter system is good, as long as you don't approach it like a jerk trying to make a buck, but if you approach it as, hey, I will pay xx, and you need to sell it, so let's make a deal... sometimes i bust, but it is fun to try anyway.


Along the lines of finding deals at stores, I received a coupon in the mail for a Memorial Day sale at the local "Fat Man Clothing Store". I call it that, because this store only market's fat men, like me. It is one of 2 or 3 stores in the city that has sizes over 44pant or 2xl shirt, and for that reason, they have a corner on the market. I think they do very well, based on the number of fat men that I see rolling in and out while I am there.

So, I tried on a couple shirts, and thought "I look pretty good in these shirts", so I bought them, but it wasn't enough money for the discount they were offering. So, I tried on a new pair of pants. Now, historically I would need to get the super-stretchy waistline kind, because of the comfort that this gives, but it also gives a bit of 'size confusion' because the waist might be a 56, but it will stretch to a 58. The salesperson at the store was helping me find some khaki pants in my size. The first pair of pants that I tried on were too large, and the salesperson threw another pair onto the dressing room door. Without looking at the label, I noticed that they fit nicely, and were comfortable. I indicated I would buy them, and noticed they were Dockers, size 48. A real 48, pleated pants - no stretchy stuff - just pants.

I tried to remember when I last wore Dockers - but am at a loss.

I noticed that JCPenney (Sears, and others) also sell 48 Dockers and 2x shirts, so now I am no longer limited to the Fat Man Store - but can spread my wings in the world of clothes shopping.

At the clinic today, my counselor said, "You look funny in those jeans. They are too big for you!"

I just started wearing these jeans! What the ??
I think it is time again to go through the closet and weed out the large clothes.

more later,

Chazz

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz