the angels must be watching over me. During a very hectic week at work and at home and my sister and J-man moving, and an akward social event, all happening at once, I felt drained at the gym. Still, I knew that I must continue to work out and train. Then as I was running, a song came on that I have heard before many times, but maybe didn't listen to the lyrics carefully. It was speaking directly to me, and this time I listened carefully.
"You Gotta Be" - Des'ree
Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears
Stand up and be counted
Don't be ashamed to cry
You gotta be
You gotta be bad,
you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser,
you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough,
you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool,
you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day
Herald what your mother said
Readin' the books your father read
Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time
Some may have more cash than you
Others take a different view
My oh my heh, hey
Don't ask no questions, it goes on without you
Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace
The world keeps on spinning, You can't stop it, if you try to
This time it's danger staring you in the face
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser,
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day
hearing this again sparked me to finish my workout with a little more intensity.
Diary:
B: eggs and sausage
s: protien bar
l: turkey, wild rice, asparagus, xs, vitamins
s: ham and cheese slices
d: pizza (with moving crew)
s: beers between loads.
g: elliptical 1.95 miles, walk 1 mile, sauna. I nice elderly man named Burt stopped me on the way out to say "I have seen you come in here every day. I am watching out for you." I looked confused. He continued "I am going to keep watching for you, so you better be here." Funny old gezer... He asked if I was feeling better now that I am working out. My answer was that I am sleeping better - deeper - and I no longer have stomach pains all the time. I also thought of another thing that is happening that I didn't reallize, because I didn't think it was a weight issue. When I would breathe in and out, a little sound would accompany the breathe. It was a rattling sound that was in my lung/throat, that was annoying, and was worse after a big meal. This hasn't happened for a while, as I am breathing without that little noise. Maybe my fat was constricting something that is now free to flow.
Long story short - there are people at the gym that have now started looking at me as a fitness center staple.
Notes:
I have two secret powers. The first secret power was revealed to me by my friends, especially Kaptain Karl, Memphis Evans, and Hon.com. That secret power is "the ability to hold back information". Mostly, it is holding back information about myself, but it works for information about other people and things as well. It takes a lot of time and the right conditions to pry out some information from my brain and that is just fine with me. This can be frustrating to some family and friends, I know, but mostly they deal with it.
The second secret power that I have is to make my sister cry. Some of my favorite projects included times that I knew would get her right in the old beatbox. Cards and letters usually do the trick, but well timed jokes also will do it. This secret power has no real use in the outside world, and I don't know if it is a sign that I am sick, but I get joy out of really connecting with my sister, and we connect very well. Sometimes the relationship ends up with her having to take care of my needs, but I hope that I can say that I have also been watching out for her state of health/mind as well.
Let's just put it this way, after all the packing, loading, lifting, carrying, and climbing, as the truck pulls away, I am going to cry my eyes out. Then I am just going to find a place to sit and feel pityful, and then I will get up, start putting things back together. I will probably work on my patio flower pots, wash clothes and dishes and wonder how I am going to organize the office and bedroom upstairs. Maybe I will watch the MN Twins on TV. Life will go on.
Nope, I know what I will do. I will watch Shawshank Redemption, which is what I always do when I am completely lost and at the bottom of my emotional barrel. If you watched the movie, do you remember the scene where Morgan Feeman is cleaning the prison graveyard, and narrating the line about the caged bird. He is happy that the bird has been freed, but his soul is sad that the bird won't be around to add color to his life. It is difficult to think about my best friends sitting behind the wheel, setting off for a new big adventure. I remember what it was like to road trip to a new location. It was fun and exciting to unpack the truck at a new home, with new possibilities..
Heck, even Morgan Freeman got out in the end and took a road trip of his own. That is where "Red" discusses the concept of the movie that I enjoy most. He talks about the hopes and dreams that he has been having since the friends were seperated. The quote he is thinking of during this final narration includes "I Hope". You already know the source quote well, if you have ever gotten an email from me. It is on my signature line.
"Remember, Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."
Get busy living......
more later,
Chazz
4 comments:
Chazz,
Have I ever told you the funny story about when my girlfriend rented The Shawshank Redemption for me to watch it? I'd read the book but never seen the movie. She had an interesting altercation with the video store.
I was thinking about you today on the way over here to the library and thinking maybe a Twins game at your place tonight would be cool, but it looks like they are playing right now. In fact they are in a huge hole against Detroit.
It sounds like you are dealing with all the stuff this week in a healthy way. Maybe we'll see you Monday after work?
Chazz,
Thinking about the ways to handle sadness and loss I'll have to say your first idea, the cleaning/organizing thing, has always been my way. I was nodding my head at the idea when you said: "Nope" and decided that you would watch "The Shawshank Redemption" instead. Maybe this is the better idea since it means actually feeling something rather than putting down the feelings with activity. Of course it is nice to have a clean organized place...
Stu - I love you and miss you already. Thank you for being the best younger brother a girl could have. Family by chance...friends by choice! We have lots to catch up on - will talk to you soon.
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