I'm Fat, it's Tuesday

Motivation:

"Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, don't think you can go wrong." ~Ella Fitzgerald

Diary:

D: tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwich with turkey
-------------
B: eggs and turkey bacon
S: protien bar
L: chicken, tomato, peas, xs, vitamins
S: turkey and cheese slices, mixed salad, orange
G: elliptical 1.78 miles, 358+ calories, walk 1 mile, sauna

Notes:

I don't have anything topical to say, so here are some random things:

- I have been scheduled to do two devotions this week, tomorow morning for men's group, and thursday night for outreach group. I have been considering what I am going to talk about, and I think I have an idea for the thursday evening group. I am reading recently about Ash Wednesday, tommorow, and the concept of our lives being temporary, in the grand scheme of things. I think that one of the ideas of Ash Wednesday is to remind us that we are on earth for a limited time and we should try to make the most of the lives that we have been given. I can certainly embrace that thought with my current mindset.
The other item that has come up many times, including in the sunday sermon, was the fact that we are created in God's image.

- I was thinking about the last time I tried to lose weight - years ago - and how long it took before I began to really notice a difference. I think the number was 6 months. It took about 6 months of diet and exercise before I really started to feel like my body was changing and I was starting to lose weight.

- I have found some good websites of information. One of the recent ones, was inspired by going through my cookbooks. Long ago, my mother gave me a old Betty Crocker cookbook, "Dinner for Two" with a lot of good recipies, and some strange ones. It has instructions for making roast beef and turkey, which are going to be my next trials for creating lunch meals. A note in the book from mother indicated "Save the broth" - Add onion, carrots and celery. Cook about 15min. then add egg noodles and some pieces of chicken.

sweet.

Anyway, I was looking at the Betty Crocker book, and wondered if I could find the recipies in this book online. Even better, I found the entire site really nice to use. It has recipies that you can turn into a shopping list and print out to take with you. When I went to http://www.bettycrocker.com/, on the front page I found "Cooking for Two" Meal Ideas. They have healthy choices on the recipies too, and I even found a Pot Roast http://www.bettycrocker.com/recipes/Recipe.aspx?recipeId=35226

Chazz

Won't Back Down

Motivation:

"Success isn't something you chase. It's something you have to put forth the effort for constantly. Then maybe it'll come when you least expect it. Most people don't understand that." ~Michael Jordan

Diary:

D: mixed salad with provolone cheese and salmon. orange
---------------------------
B: eggs and turkey bacon
S: protien bar
L: chicken, tomato, peas, mixed salad, xs, vitamins
S: orange, salmon
G: elliptical 1.76 miles, 355+ calories, walk .5 mile, sauna


Notes:

On the mp3 player today, Tom Petty:

Well I won’t back down, no I won’t back down

You can stand me up at the gates of hell

But I won’t back down

Gonna stand my ground, won’t be turned around

And I’ll keep this world from draggin’ me down

Gonna stand my ground and I won’t back down

Hey baby, there ain’t no easy way out

Hey I will stand my ground

And I won’t back down.

Well I know what’s right, I got just one life

In a world that keeps on pushin’ me around

But I’ll stand my ground and I won’t back down

This song felt pretty good, and I was running with it pretty well.

Couple things, I will make today's posting short.

1) Pray for my feet, if you want something to do. I have a cut on the bottom of my left foot that is killing me with each step. I am going to look for some skin repairing solution at the pharmacy. Also, my right foot is starting to ache, like an ankle pain. This is not constant, so I think it is just sore.

2) I spent yesterday re-organizing my living room. I moved most of the furniture, including my awefully heavy hide-a-bed couch. It all started becuase the DVD player I got from my brother-in-law for christmas '04 stopped working. I found out the cost of fixing it would be more than just purchasing a new one. So, I was looking around at Best Buy, and not really excited about the choices or the prices.
I had to stop at Ace Hardware to replace something in my kitchen, $3.00 item. On the way out, I saw a Home Theater system with DVD player for 1/2 the price of the same model at Best Buy. Not exactly sure what it was doing there, as I don't usually expect Ace to be selling electronics... So I decided there that I have been doing such a good job with my "2006 Challenge" that I deserve a reward. I bought it! When they scanned it, it was even $30 less than the sticker! Cool. So when I removed the old receiver unit, and started replacing the big speakers with the little speakers. I had so much stuff that was not needed, that I put all of it in the garage. The room looked funny after I moved out all the old electronic equipment, so I started to move the TV to the south wall, then I just kept moving things over and over again until I felt like it was right. (I still don't, by the way.)
I now have a lot of other items that I desire for this room. More comfortable places to sit, replace the coffee table with functional stools that can be used for sitting, or as short tables, etc. I am happy with the new surround sound system and I can watch DVD's again....

3) I got an email from my Wisconsin friend, lets call him Kurt, who will be running a 5K with me this fall as one of my big goals/big rewards. The 5K run is on October 7th, 2006 at 8am. I have found a 12-week training program for beginning runners, but this is a little advanced, so I am going to need some help. I found a "from couch-potato to runner training" plan that I am going to do before the 12-week training. So with the Oct 7 date as a target, I am going to start training on May 14th, 2006. That is only 11 weeks away, so I have really got to get moving to be ready to promote myself to "couch-potato". Is there a level below this? Maybe I should create a "from lethargic blob to couch-potato training" that I can do for the next 11 weeks..

Chazz

Hellenistic Greek God!

Motivation:

"The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for." ~Maureen Dowd

Diary:

D: brocoli, ramen soup, tilapia
---------------
B: eggs and turkey bacon
S: protien bar
L: homeade chicken, tomato and peas
S: deli turkey & cheese, celery and peanut butter
G: elliptical 1.76 miles, 353+ calories, walk 1 mile, sauna

Notes:

I have been trying to figure out what the perfect (ideal) measurements are, for goal setting, and have come out more confused than I went in.

1) The quick and easy.
My coworker - let's call him Wade - indicates that a perfect male body is 106 lbs for the first 5 feet in height, and add 6 lbs for each extra inch. Then add or subtract 10% of the total if you have a tiny or large frame. I would be 209 lbs based on this formula. One of the problems about this calculation is that is it doesn't account for size or body fat%, just the weight. I guess I am looking for more information.

The other quick and easy is to look at Body Fat % as your guide. Here is a quick and dirty table (for men only):

• Competition Shape ("ripped") 3-6%
• Very Lean (excellent) <>
• Lean (good) 10-14%
• Average (fair) 15-19%
• Below average (poor) 20-25%
• Very poor 26-30%+

2) Greek God. We can look into the past to find the perfect male body. We can look at the ancient Greeks is the proportions used by artists in works of paint and sculpture during the Hellenistic period where we see muscular men and gods in many poses. Neck: 17"- Biceps: 16" - Calves: 15" - Chest: 44" - Thigh: 24"- Waist: 32" The Greek Gods had about 8% body fat. The problem is that I am taller than most Greek people in 323 BC - 146 BC, plus they didn't have cubicles and swivel chairs and sofas and big screens and remote controls.

3) Wrist Size. I found many calculators that use Wrist and Ankle sizes to measure your genetical potential for building muscle and losing weight. The best one I found is here: http://www.trulyhuge.com/fitnesscalculators.htm

My Wrist Size is 8 Inches, so my "ideal body" measurements are:
Chest Size: 52
Forearm Size: 15.08
Waist Size: 36.4
Thigh Size: 27.56
Hip Size: 44.2
Calf Size: 17.68
Biceps Size: 18.72
Neck Size: 19.24

Ok, that isn't too far away from the Greek God measurements.. but nowhere near what I am right now.


Ok, Time-Out! Here is my problem with what I have read so far: I put the following in my Fitness Chart to see where I would be with the 'ideal weight and measurements":

Weight: 209
Chest: 52
Waist: 36.4
Hips: 44.2

Then my calculations turn out as follows:
Estimated Body Fat Percentage = 18.9% (That is "Average", not "Ideal")
Estimated Body Mass Index (BMI) = 26.83 (This is still considered overweight!)

I don't trust the numbers, nor the "ultimate measurements". I will have to continue doing some research. read on....


4) "Reallistic Body Weight"
The weight-for-height table currently used by the US Army is related to the Metropolitan Life Insurance Company standards that form the basis of medical weight recommendations. In 1943, the Metropolitan Life Insurance Company introduced their standard height-weight tables for men and women. They were called "desirable" weights, which would indicate those persons with the lowest mortality rates. According to that table, I should be somewhere between 176 - 202 lb, which matches up closely with calculation #1 from my coworker, Wade.


5) What does Joe Sixpack say about me?
According to the calculations on http://www.halls.md/ideal-weight/body.htm, where you can find the Metropolitan Life Insurance Company's table, there is another way to calculate your weight. This is not by FACTS or CALCULATIONS, but by asking you peers to judge their PERCEPTIONS of weight at the current time.

The "Peoples Choice Ideal Weight" formula tries to predict what other "similar" people would choose as their own ideal weight. People were asked: " Ideally, how much would you like to weigh at the moment?"

So, based on the Medical Recommendations, I should be somewhere around 176 - 209 lbs for the ideal weight, but according to my peers and the people on the street who are approximately myAge, Height, Weight and Gender, I should weigh 304 lbs.

Here is the funny thing, though. When I get to 304 lbs, then do the calculation again, my peers now think that I should weigh 242 lbs!
When I get to 242, they STILL won't be happy, and they think I should weigh 211 lbs!, then 195 lbs, then 187 lbs, 183 lbs, 181 lbs, and finally stop at 180 lbs. It really seems that people who are my weight are never happy with themselves. At least they know when to stop....

I guess I will stay confused for now. I guess I will be happy when I am in my size 46 pants and then go from there.

have a good weekend. see you on Monday.

Chazz

Crock-pot fever!.... (na na na na)

Motivation:

Song on the mp3 player today:

Mark Schultz \ You Are A Child Of Mine
I’ve been hearing voices Telling me that I could Never be what I wanna be.

They’re binding me with lies, Haunting me at night, And saying there’s nothing to believe.

Somewhere in the quietness, When I’m overcome with loneliness, I hear You call my name.

And like a father You are near And as I listen I can hear You say

You are a child of Mine, Born of My own design

And you bear the heart of life.

No matter where you go, Oh, you will always know

You have been made free in Christ. You are a child of Mine

Diary:

D: salami slices, ramen soup, fresh asparagus
-------------------
B: eggs and turkey bacon
S: protien bar
L: homeade chicken, tomato and peas (crock-pot), xs, vitamins, mixed greens salad
S: tuna, mayo, small orange
G: ellipticle 1.61 miles, 301+ calories, walk 1 mile, sauna. (the machine stopped at 17minutes, so I was confused. I chose the wrong machine. )

(tonight I will make a dinner at home and watch Sasha Cohen. I think i am in love...., but she is like 95lbs, so tiny. oh well.)

Notes:

On Saturday I made a crockpot meal from the manual that I got with the crock-pot. It was chicken, crushed tomato, peas, garlic, and assorted spices and flavors. This was my way of having an option instead of the lean cuisine meals I had been eating. I don't like the flavor of the lean cuisine, and there are so many ingredients in a 9oz serving, that it doesn't really make sense.
So with a $5 family pack of cut up chicken at the meat dept, and a couple cans of tomatoes, and some other items (frozen peas, chopped garlic & onion, salt and pepper), I put all of this in the crock-pot and let it do the work all day saturday. I then divided the contents into little tupperware containers and immediately put them in the freezer. Today was my first try of my homeade lunch, and I have the following comments:

Pros:
1) the chicken tastes like chicken, and the tomato taste like tomato, and the peas taste like peas (and the snozberries taste like snozberries...) . The lean cuisine meat didn't have a flavor, becuase it was drowning in some kind of sauce.
2) I know the ingredients and there are no weird stuff in them.
3) It is the right size. It is just enough to fill me up and not too much that I feel overdone.

Cons:
1) I don't think I have enough spice or flavor in the dish. I don't have a place to put a container of Tony Chachere's in my desk drawer, but that might be a good idea.
2) The bones in the chicken I didn't take out before I froze the meals, so I have to pick around them. I think next time I will go with boneless chicken breast. It may cost a little more, but it might be worth it.

With those changes, I think this is going to work. I also made an easy chili with some ground beef that I had in the freezer from some time ago, also some canned beans and red and green bell peppers and onions. I also made individual meals from this recipie.

Readers: If you have any good, healthy, easy crockpot recipies, please post them to the blog!


On another topic, I have been thinking lately about all of the blessings and opportunities I have been given. I have been discussing the subject of giving blessings and doing good things and receiving back blessing in multiples. I am so blessed with a good job (and the ability to do a good job), friendly and respectful co-workers (the client I am working at really believes in respecting people, even contractors, and wants me to have the courage to speak up if I have a solution to a problem, or find a problem that doesn't have a solution.

I am able to leave work to go to the gym everyday, and the gym in right across the street. I am blessed that I am able to find the types of equipment and workout that is working for me.

I am blessed that I have so many cheerleaders at work, at church, family, friends, previous co-workers, and other people who I meet, like dental hygentist, bartender, butcher, etc, who in little ways are motivating me and encouraging me.

My car is working, my home is adequate, I have access to good nutritious foods, my parents taught me well to know how to do and make things that are good for me.

I am not good with math, but I understand computers and can have spreadsheets and formulas that do the math for me.

I have a number of things that all are on my favor for getting this 2006 Challenge up, HOWEVER, there is a big deal of non-tangibles that are somewhat out of control.

1) Faith - that this challenge will be fruitful and that everyday I will find new ways to re-discover myself and my place, it would be not as meaningful without the faith that I have in myself and that God would bless this effort.
2) Hope - that my body will not break, that my mind will stay focused, that my environment will stay stable, without complications to my car, job, home, etc.
3) Trust - since I can't control the intangibles or my body, trust that my body will do what it needs to as long as I am pressing forward with my habits. there is really no gaurantee that even if I do everything right and good, that my body will respond. I am simply not in control of undoing the garbage that I put my body through over the years.

Questions from Readers

1) Memphis asks: You mention ball games as a difficult place. Please tell me what, if anything, I can do to help at the ball games we go to together.

Chazz responds: Thanks for being a supporter. I don't really know that there is anything you can do that would have made me more comfortable. You were always very kind to me. Some of my problems dealt with the inability to sit in the lower sections (especially on the 3rd base-line) and watch the game without having problems. You and I always sat in the upper deck, and that was just fine. Stay tuned, after April 11, I will put in a 'Bad Story', and hopefully, after home opener a 'Good Story'! That may give some insight to my difficult times at baseball games.

2) Memphis asks: What does this mean? "Replace grandmother HERMLE MOVEMENTS"

Chazz responds: I bought a cute grandmother clock at a garage sale last year, but found out that the previous owner wound it too tight, and it is broken. I don't have a picture of the clock, or I would post it here. You will have to come to my home to see it. Following are details about the movement that needs to be fixed or replaced:

HERMLE MOVEMENTS - 140-010
hand shaft 33.2mm
Balance escapement
3 hammer below / bim bam
plate size = 85 x 98mm
http://www.clockworks.com/hermle/140.html

I hope this explanation answers your questions. thanks for reading, Memphis!



Readers: please continue to post your comments, suggestions, questions, or story requests and I will get to them over time. I enjoy getting your encouraging emails, and it seems I have a lot more readers than I thought. That is good. Just understand that if I am having a bad day, my written words may be somewhat self-depricating and hurtful. That doesn't necessarily mean I am down on myself, but am just using my words to get back myself back on track.

tommorow: the perfect male specimen.

more later...

Chazz

The quarter-ton man.

Motivation:

"Let us not be content to wait and see what will happen, but give us the determination to make the right things happen."~Peter Marshall

Diary:

D: steak salad & 1 beverage
---------------------
B: bagel and peanut butter (men's breakfast)
S: protien bar
L: lean cuisine, xs energy, vitamins
S: tuna and crackers
G: elliptical 1.76 miles, 354+ calories, walk 1 mile, sauna (added an extra minute on elliptical for this three weeks - up to 20minutes total.)

Notes:

You have been waiting for it, and here it is. The 3rd measurements are in! Of course, there is some discrepency and dispute, and now that I have thought about it, I would like to get in a delorian and travel back in time to redo my original weigh-in. Read on....

Feb 18, 06 (at home using 2 analog scales)
Weight 414

Feb 21, 06 (at clinic using 1 digital scale)
Weight 429.20

Ok, we have an obvious problem here in the tune of 15.2 lbs difference. Here is the historical truth of this problem:

1) the scale at the clinic has a 440lb limit, meaning that if you are obese and looking for western medicine to help you lose weight, they can't. (By the way, they don't have blood pressure cuffs big enough for obese people, and other tests aren't meant to be useful for overweight people either.) I don't ever want a doctor or nurse to tell me to lose weight, because I am very quick to ask them how they expect to do this without giving fat people a way to weigh themselves properly. Don't even get me started, because as I have mentioned, I have not found 1 (ONE) doctor inside the clinic or hospital that has had any real guidance for me. They are quick to snark at me and tell me that I am fat, but when we get that part of the conversation, they have very little REAL HELP to offer, past anything I could read in a "weight loss for dummies" book. Wow, I like the view from my soapbox. Let me get down now. I digress...

2) I know that on 7/1/2003, I weighed 487.5lbs, because I got weighed at a hospital. So this is my biggest recorded weight, but it wasn't taken during my largest size, so I am sure that I was heavier than this.

3) I have been trying to use two cheap analog scales at home to measure my weight. These scales have never been tested, and I don't know if they are individually correct, let alone correct being used together. They are also difficult to read, as they move since I am using them both together and difficult to stand still. Also, if I shift or move any part of my body, the weight changes, even if I move my head they change, so I am not sure I am getting the right weight.

4) I am assured that I have been losing weight, because of 2 things. The first is the fact that the last time I tried to weigh on this scale, it wouldn't give me a number, and I was over 440lbs. Therefore I have AT LEAST lost 10.8lbs according to the hospital clinic. Secondly, I have lost 1 pant size and 2 shirt sizes, and I don't think this could happen without weight loss.

So now that we have reviewed the history, there is a choice to be made.

a) Start the calculations with this weight, disregarding the previous numbers. From now on I will use the clinic's scale to get the accurate weight until I am able to use a new digital scale. (I have one in mind as a goal item, that will be my under 330lb reward. Here is some information:

Body Fat/ Water Analysis Scale
The system measures weight in 0.2 lb increments. Provides total percentage of body fat and body water in 0.1% increments. Body analysis is programmed based on age, height, and gender. Bioelectric Impedance Analysis (BIA) conducts a safe current through foot sensors distinguishing between muscle and fat.

But placing your feet on a fat-analysis scale also puts them in contact with electrodes that send a small (and undetectable) electrical current through the body. The scale compares the current entering the body with the current leaving it and calculates body fat composition using bioelectric impedance analysis, or B.I.A., which is based on the difference in the ways that an electrical current is affected by muscle and fat.

The reason is that muscle is about 75 percent water and a good electrical conductor, while fat, which is only about 20 percent water, is a poor conductor. In fact, fat is such a poor conductor that the original electrical current is diminished as it travels through fat. Impedance is a measure both of this resistance and of reactance, the ability of body tissue to hold a charge and thus delay its passage through the body. Generally, the faster the current moves through the legs and midsection and the less resistance it encounters, the leaner the person is.

Software then compares this data to data from a reference population - people of similar weight, age and height - stored in the processing unit's memory and calculates body composition (usually displayed as the percentage of tissue that is fat). Several variables can affect an impedance-analysis scale's accuracy. If someone is bloated or dehydrated, results will be off - often as much as 3 percent. In addition, since the current only travels as far as the hips, someone who carries a disproportionate amount of weight in the upper body may not get a true picture of their body fat content. (Because the analysis involves a small electrical current, researchers and manufacturers caution that anyone with a pacemaker or other implanted electrical device may want to find an alternative. Pregnant women should also avoid using an impedance scale. )

I would still do my mathematical calculations to figure my estimated fat %, but it would be interesting to see what this scale's predictions are. Unfortunately, it is going to be a long while until I am 330lbs, so I am going to have to hoof it to the clinic every three weeks when it is time to measure.

b) what do I do about the challenges that I am in the middle of? How do I know my starting weight? I guess for the St Patrick's Day challenge, it really doesn't matter, because my original goal was to lose 40lbs, then I changed it to 56.08lbs, and now my current goal is to be under 400lbs. This is somewhat dissapointing, because based on my previous (incorrect) measurements, I was 414lbs, so I only had another 15lbs to go. Now that the measurement is at 429lbs, I still have a long way to go to reach the goal. I also have no way of prooving that I lost 56.08lbs. My scales indicated I was 470lbs to start with, but these scales were measuring light (based on the recent measurement), so I could have started larger than 470. The problem is prooving it. If we agree to assume that I weighed over 470lbs, and I am now at 429.2lbs, then I have lost 40.8lbs so far, and need to lose another 15.28lbs to make it to my first goal, and 29.2lbs to make it to my preffered weight for the St Patrick's Day challenge. I am going to have to discuss this whole thing with Mike. We might decide that it is obvious that I have lost 40lbs, and plausible that I have also lost 56.08lbs. The under 400lb number, if I can reach it, would be the ultimate answer. With 30 days left, I am unsure that I would be able to safely lose that much weight.

For any other upcoming challenge, I am going to use the clinic's weight as the correct weight.
Ok, that is that. Enough said about weights and how I got to weights.

Measurments in Inches
Bust/Chest 58.50
Waist 68.00
Hips 58.00
Thigh 32.00
Neck 18.50
Calf 20.50
Bicep 17.00
Forearm 14.50
Difference over Previous -0.50 inches (gained)
Difference Overall 6.75 inches (lost)

Calculations
Estimated Lean Body Weight 276.61
Estimated Body Fat Weight 152.59
Estimated Body Fat % 35.55%
Estimated BMI 55.10
% of Weight Loss -0.19%
% of Total Weight Loss -11.96%

So how do I feel? I little confused about the math and dissapointed at my current state. Since my waist size stayed the same in the last 3 weeks, but I lost overall weight, my estimated fat % went up to 35.55%, even though I believe that I have been losing weight in my shoulders, chest, and back. I don't measure these parts, so it doesn't really show on the calculations. Also, the fact that my scaled weighed me 430lbs last time, but the scale at the clinic weighed me at 429.2, means that by the calculations I have lost .8 lbs in 3 weeks. Since I don't have proof to dispute this, and based on the fact that I actually GAINED .5 inches in my measurement, it would appear by the numbers that I have actually GOTTEN WORSE on my program!

However, something in my body has GOT to be happening, or else all of the ellipticle work I have been doing is useless. Would I be able to go 1.61 miles and burn 301+ calories (which is what I did yesterday, Tuesday) at the gym?

Dang. I hope that next time I measure (March 11) we will see some real change.

Today one of my cheerleaders indicated that I should just go back in time (virtually) and add 15.2lbs to my other measurements done on the home scales. This is the fair way to account for the different weights and, in all actuallity, the rest won't matter much, becuase we can go from here starting with the correct weight that we know. If I do this, which I think I will, then my starting weight would have been 485lbs and the last weigh-in would have been 445lbs. This seems like a more logical number, becuase of the fact that the clinic scale would only go to 440lbs, and three weeks ago, I couldn't be weighed on this scale - i was too big.

I will make this note on my charts.

Remind me after next weigh in to post the charts and graphs.

The current goal is to get down to 30% body fat. According to the calculations, I need to lose 34.04lbs to get to 30%. This loss would also get me under the dreaded 400lb mark. This would be a make it or break it milestone.

Current Countdown:

17 days - next weigh-in
23 days - St Patrick's Day Challenge
41 days - Biggest Loser Challenge
48 days - Twins Home Opener
96 days - Memorial Day


tommorow we discuss the crock pot experience and what i need to do next time, + Friday, special event - discuss the "Perfect Male Body" and what it would take to get there...

more later.

Chazz

who said this was going to be easy... shoot them.

Dear Readers,

Today is the day for the big unveiling of the new measurements, but alas, you will have to wait one more day. For two reasons:

1) I am going to the clinic later today to use their scale. Saturday's preliminary weigh-in confirmed that I have lost enough so far to use the scales at the clinic, which have weight limits that didn't previously allow accurate measurements for me. If I have met my first goal, (losing 56.08lbs) then I should be able to weigh myself on their scale. This is a big deal for me, as I haven't found a scale (except at the hospital in a special room) that I can use for accurate measurement.

2) I got some unexpected news during the Saturday weigh-in that put my in a little backslide. My measurer and weigher will be leaving my corner of the world. She is also my sister. She and her husband, (also a cheerleader for me) have decided to pursue commitments in another state, and are being led by their heart and their head. I have no argument with thier decision, but felt like a brick hit me in the chest, and this weekend I greived as if I found out they had some mortal disease. They were more than just motivators, they were advisors, soul-companions, and they were an essential part of my goals and plans. They posses much of my deep-down desire and pain and have been there for me in the 'worst of times'. Couple of 'bad stories' here to give example to my statement:

a) The day of Christmas Fest a few years ago - my sister, her husband and I were going to attend a christmas choir concert together, but in my depressive state, I ate a package (yes, a whole package) of hot dogs, a package (yes, a whole package) of tator tots, mixed together in a bowl and topped with 1/2 a bottle (yes) of ketchup for dinner the night before. This was the main dish of the meal. A big bowl filled with hot dogs, tator tots and ketchup. I think there were other side dishes and desert, and most assuredly a 2-liter bottle of pop. (Now that I read this, I can't quite believe that this is even possible for a person to eat. How many calories could this possibly be. Over 5000 for sure, maybe over 8000? Wait, here comes the good part...) So back to the christmas concert. We got to the 2-hour show, and sat down with 500 people in attendance. I noticed a girl who I had a crush on in college, let's call her Greta, sitting in the row in front of us. I was very happy to be sitting right here. In my glee, my stomach started growling and churning, and I reallized I wasn't feeling very good. (wonder why...) I started feeling gassy, and then uncontrollably burping. My burps were strange smelling, like rotten eggs, charchoal and toxic waste. It tasted like ground beef that was 2-months old and sitting out. It was uncontrollable. The only way to relieve the pain I was in was to belch, but this was so hideous that none of us could stand it. Worse was that all of these people I knew in college (plus Greta) were seeing and smelling me in all my glory. What a sight...

2) Last summer, I was undergoing food poison, throwing up on the living room carpet, and scared to death that there was something terribly wrong with me. My brother-in-law came over, (did I mention this was 10pm after a long day of work) and helped me to get comfortable and sat with me while I cried like a baby scared that I was going to die alone in my townhome. He brought me supplies and made sure I got to bed. Another glorious site, seeing me in my underwear vommiting and crying. What kind of a man is this? Pitiful, that is what.

Not once did I feel that my sister or brother-in-law had any pity or negative thoughts about me. They never nagged or put me down or even hinted that I was a burden to them. I was always welcome in their home and they were always there if I needed them. They were more than motivators, they were 'champions'. They championed my ideas and plans, hoping for the best. I so much wanted them to be part of the 'best of times', to make that up to them.

It isn't that I can't do this, it will just be harder.


With this news, I grieved, and am still greiving. I was depressed after this, thinking about all the negative things, the dreams and desires and plans that I had that I was going to celebrate with my sister, and especially my neice. I had a lot of goals and motivations surrounding my neice, (goddaughter). I didn't work out, and really didn't eat well or do the program on Sunday, and didn't work out or do the program on Monday, and was contemplating just sliding by today as well. I had already planned on having lunch at an italian place with some co-workers. I didn't think I would have time to go to the gym.

I had a meeting this morning with my client, and one of the"Biggest Loser" cheerleaders was at this meeting. She handed me a paper with today's motivation on it, and told me "You need to think about this." Here is what it said:

What you choose

You can make it happen when you truly choose to do so. You always have, and you always will.

If something is important enough to you, you'll surely find a way. Look back on your life up to this point, and you'll see a manifestation of what you've cared most about.

Now take a look at what you care most about in this very moment. Those are the things you will give your energy and attention to, and those are the things that will surely happen for you.

You are plenty capable of pushing yourself relentlessly toward what you choose. For you do it every day and you've had a lifetime of practice.

The big question is this. What exactly do you choose?

Whatever it is, whatever you truly care about in your heart of hearts, you'll find a way to make it real. With that in mind, always choose the very best you can imagine.

-- Ralph Marston

That was like a splash of cold water in the face. I reallize what a selfish snot I was being. I am capable of pushing relentlessly toward the goal. Time to get back on that horse. No-one ever said that life was going to be easy or that that challenges would present themselves. Goals and Dreams can be shattered, but those are by-products of the Heart. The Heart is much bigger and stronger than mere dreams, and can create new ones. I had to just get a little push to remember that.

Then, God put his hand into the mix today. I did go the gym to continue my workout today, and what was the first song on the mp3 player? "You Found Me" by FFH. Here are the lyrics:

I've got nowhere to turn, I've got nowhere to hide, and I've got no alibi.

You've been following me, you know my history, and no matter how hard I try,

I can't explain away, the way I feel today

There's only one thing I can say:

You, You've found me.

You found me and You called me from the wilderness,

From my cave of emptiness,

Yeah, You, You've found me.

You found me in the places of my lonliness

You told me there was more than this,

You captured me with tenderness,

Yeah, You've found me.

There was so many days, trying to figure out ways to explain what I feel inside,

I tried to fill up my soul without using control, this desire never did subside,

I'm ready to give in, I know I'll never win

The hide and seek that I've been in

In the pit of despair, I was all alone there.

I wasn't looking for You, but You found me anyway.

You put Your hand on face, then you changed my ways.

Nothing can separate me from...

You, You've found me.
You found me and You called me from the wilderness,
From my cave of emptiness,
Yeah, You, You've found me.
You found me in the places of my lonliness
You told me there was more than this,
You captured me with tenderness,
Yeah, You've found me.

Got it! Over and out.
Chazz is back in business. Bring it on!

tommorow we will unveil the measurements and calculations from Saturday, plus the current status, new goals and the ongoing countdown for the 2006 Chazz Vader Challenge!

more later.

Chazz

Roadblocks and blown tires

Motivation:

Today's motivation is another picture. Behold "The Virgo Godess" who was dancing with me during the annual Virgo party. (Many of my friends are Virgos and have a party in September to celebrate).

Looking at this picture, I see beauty and the beast. The motivation in this picture is to see the guy on the right and try to be kind, but at the same time, realize that this guy needs to put down the doritos and pick up a barbell. This guy on a dance floor is like a bull in a china shop. The second part of the motivation is the girl on the left. I don't have her number or even know her full name, but she was totally into me. I wonder if she will be around next Virgo night..... I had better be ready to knock her socks off.

Diary:

D: pizza (oh my, this was good pizza). The restaurant had some kind of 'accident' with the first pizza, so they re-made the pizza and it was free. The pizza was called the 'top of the line' and had all fresh veggies, no canned mushy stuff. It was about 1 inch thick, with mushrooms, green pepper, olive, tomatoes, sausage, pepperoni, cheese, saurkraut. since everything was fresh, it tasted good. I ate about 2 large slices. I felt very full after this meal.
One thing about this challenge is this: The point is not to deprive myself of fun things like pizza or birthday cake, or beer. The point is to sustain healthy habits so that I can maintain a more healthy weight, and overall lose fat percentage. Have a pizza night is not going to make a huge dent in the overall program, so the point is to plan for these things and make it more special. I was glad to spend time with my friend playing cards and eating pizza. Will it affect the Saturday weigh-in? Maybe, but so what?
----------------------------------
B: raisin bran and soy milk
S: protien bar
L: lean cuisine and xs and small side salad with italian dressing and vitamins
S: honey ham and swiss cheese and an apple
G: elliptical 1.67 miles @ 336+ calories, walk 1 mile, sauna

Later tonight - 1 beer and a side salad

Notes:

Today started out with a bang - literally. This is another "good story - bad story", so buckle yourself in.

Today was the coldest day of the year. Yesterday was in the 30's, and today it is like -20 below zero. I am wearing a long sleeved shirt, my blue fleece jacket, and my other winter jacket over that, plus my gloves and hat. This sparks another story, maybe for next week. Cold is another sensation that I am somewhat unfamiliar with, and losing weight is exposing some blood vessels to the world that are reacting to the temperature.

On the interstate, I blew my tire, but really didn't notice until I pulled to the offramp. the front passenger tire was flat, and I got out and pulled the temporary spare out. I proceeded to jack up the car, take off the previous tire, put on the temp, and put everything away. It took about 20 minutes, max, and I got back in the car. I stopped to think about the last time I blew a tire, and I reallized two things. Last time I had a flat tire, I was unprepared to change it myself, due to my weight and uncomfortable bending and stretching to pull out the spare. I had to call my AAA service to have a truck come and help me. It was an embarrasing, time-consuming wait. I thought that this shoudl be easier.
After changing the tire this time, I wasn't breathing heavily, and wasn't feeling any discomfort. Wow, that was quick, I thought. Even on the coldest, windiest day of the year, I just sucked it up and got the job done. I kick butt! I am going to take the tire to the shop and get it fixed or replaced, then have a salad and beer with my friend Pat while they fix it, then walk back over to the shop and retrieve the car.
No panic, no frustration, no turning to food for comfort that I was a victim. I feel rather normal today, given a situation that in the past would have rendered my incapable to care for myself.

Well, after re-reading that story, I reallize this was rather stupid, but I felt like it was a 'little victory' and sometimes the little victories are the best ones. One other note, at the gym, I saw another car with the exact same problem that I had earlier. I looked for the driver, but could not find. I was willing to get out and just re-do the performance I had done earlier for whoever was in vehicle. I thought that would be a good practice for my fellow man.

On a completely different subject, this weekend I am going to start using the crockpot to create my weekly lunch meals, instead of purchasing lean cuisine meals. microwave meals are convienient and easy, but they aren't all that tasty, and they are not as nutritious as I would like. Plus, at $3.25 for 9oz of food seems like a lot of money going down the drain. So I have purchased chicken parts and beef parts and tomato parts and onion parts (still need to find garlic parts) and i am going to put them together this weekend and divide them into daily meals that I can take to work with me. I will probably write about this some more next week, and let you know if the quality and taste make the meals worth the time and effort I put into them. It is a good experiment either way.


So, tommorow is Measurement Day #3. Just to remind us where I was 3 weeks ago:

Starting Weight - 470 lbs

Weight as of Jan 28 - 430 lbs
Chest - 58
Waist - 68
Hips - 58
Estimated Body Fat Percentage = 35.47%
Estimated Body Mass Index (BMI) = 55.20

First goal is to lose a total of 56.08lbs.
Next goals will be based on fat%.

You will have to wait until late on Tuesday to see the results. I will post something before the end of day on Tuesday with the measurements and calculations, and of course, more random thoughts from the fat man himself.

until then, have a good president's day, and a nice long weekend. more later...

Chazz

The small moments

Motivation: (from a cheerleader at work)

Visit this site: http://greatday.com/v.html?1272402KGf62
In the small moments there are big opportunities.

For the small moments are where successful, fulfilled lives are built.
The small moments have great power because there are so very many of them.

Make wise, effective use of the small moments, and the impact can be enormous.
To harness the power of the small moments you must accept them for what they are.

To gain value from the small moments you must make use of them as they come.
One particularly effective strategy for making the most of the

small moments is to cultivate positive and productive habits.

Habits enable you to choose in advance what you will do with the

valuable load of small moments that will surely and steadily come your way.
Keeping yourself focused and disciplined only every now

and then is no great challenge and produces no great result.
However, when you can stay consistently and persistently focused on an objective,

there is no limit to the magnitude of what you can accomplish.
Though the small moments may seem trivial and not worth your attention,

they are in fact a crucial factor in the quality of your life.

Give your best to the small moments, for they are where much of life's greatest value is built.
- Ralph Marston

Diary:

D: cabbage rolls with pork & beef, also had some salmon
--------------------
B: sausage and eggs
S: canned chicken breast & mayo, rye crisps
L: protien bar and 4oz sliced beef
S: 4oz sliced beef, 3oz sliced cheeze, orange
G: elliptical 1.61 miles, 332+calories

(this was a weird day, as I had meetings, so had to take a really late lunch break, so my meals don't really look right, and they aren't, but the task was to eat something every few hours of the day to keep the body going. Tonight I am eating pizza from a place that is - made from scratch, including the sauce, the sausage and the dough. Not that this means it is healthier, but it has got lots of fresh stuff, including saurkraut. We will see if it is any good.)

Notes:

There is a guy, lets call him Scott, in the cubicle right next to mine. He is going to continue to be a motivation for me. He is about the same size ad shape as I am, he is overweight and has that pear-shape body. I think he could lose his weight, too, becuase his head and neck, arms and legs look normal, but his abdomen and belly are obese.

The point is not to put him down, but everytime I see him, I feel like I am looking in a mirror. I don't like the things that I think about when I see him, as I see an uncomfortable person who could be a lot better. I haven't talked to Scott about this, and I don't think I plan too. Maybe after I have lost 100lbs, I might just gently ask him how things are going in his life. Maybe I can help him, or just listen to his problems. I don't know how God is going to use this new plan.

Ok, now I feel a good cry coming on. This weight loss is going to take forever, and THAT SUCKS! I am re-reading the Motivation above. For the small moments are where successful, fulfilled lives are built. I have got to keep that in my mind. All I can do is what is right today, and plan for tommorow. I really can't focus too much on the final result, becuase it will overwhelm me.

Going from baggy 6x clothes to these 4x clothes adds a new issue. In the 6x clothes, a certain amount of fat was hidden and deciptive, now I am small enough to get into 4x clothes, but that hidden fat is now exposed, as the clothes are stretching around my huge belly. This is very frustrating as I am actually smaller, but my clothes don't reflect it, and I FEEL like I am going to burst. This has to look really akward to others. (oh well.)

more later. tommorow we will review the last three weeks, and remind everyone of the last weigh-in (Jan 30, 06) and current goals, in preperation for Measurement Day #3.

Chazz

We will, we will, rock you.

Motivation:

"We create the situations & then we give our power away by blaming the other person for our frustration. No person, no place & no thing has any power over us for "WE" are the only thinkers in our mind." ~Louise Hay

Diary:
D: chicken breast, peas, ramen, salsa
-------------
B: bagel and peanut butter (wednesday men's breakfast)
S: peanut butter sandwich (what is up with peanut butter today)
L: lean cusine and xs energy and vitamins
S: carrots and canned chicken breast in water
G: elliptical 1.64 miles, 333+ calories

Notes:

good day overall at the gym and at work. I didn't forget anything, and was able to make my schedule work for me. I have a lot of cheerleaders out there. I got a nice email from a coworker, let's call him Chris, who's wife just had a baby:

"Thanks for the kind note. Mother and son are in good health and doing well. I couldn’t be more excited about being a father.
You are one of my headliners and I know your future is bright. You’re not just a smart guy, you are the type of person I really enjoy dealing with."

This is from a guy who knows about my weight loss program and everytime I see him is very supportive. I appreciate his concern and his kudos.

Two others at church, let's call them Don and Paul, also are checking in with my to see if I am keeping up with things. Now, it is not that I need someone to nag me or be convicting me to do my work. I don't think they are asking me to be accountable, but they are just trying to motivate me, letting me know that even though the rest of the world sees me as a fat lazy hog, they are noticing the difference in both physical and non-physical ways. I think they are genuinly interested in seeing me do well and be a witness and role model to others that are struggling with some issue in their life.

Also, a friend of mine and motivator for the St. Pattrick's Day Challenge, sent me an email yesterday:

"Regardless of whom you attribute your determination and success too; you are doing a great and dedicated job from what I’ve been following. Keep it up."

These virtual high-fives mean a lot to me. Thanks.

Today on the elliptical, I started smiling and ran a little bit faster. The following song came on the mp3:

Don't wanna wait 'til tomorrow

Why put it off another day?

One by one, little problems

Build up, and stand in our way.
One step ahead, one step behind it

Now ya gotta run to get even

Make future plans, I'll dream about yesterday!

Come on turn, turn this thing around
.

Right now! Hey! It's your tomorrow

Right now! Come on, it's everything

Right now! Catch your magic moment

Do it right here and now

It means everything

Right Now by Van Halen

listen to a clip of the into: http://tinyurl.com/chg6c

tommorow, lets talk again about crock-pot stuff and the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue..


Chazz

I can only imagine...

Motivation:

#1 - A beautiful blonde running in front of me at the gym. She was muscular and had a long ponytail. Very cute. Very motivating. I ran a little harder than I did yesterday. It was good.

#2 -

"You are the only real obstacle in your path to a fulfilling life." ~Les Brown

Diary:

D: Broiled Chicken breast, ramen, cereal + soy milk. (Ate too much, and reallized it immediately, so I went to bed early and not eat any more.)
---------------
B: eggs and sausage
S: protien bar and apple
L: lean cuisine and salad and XS and vitamins
S: tuna and crackers
G: elliptical 1.63 miles, 333+ calories (good looking, muscular blonde in front of me. Nice arms, nice calves. good definition. easy on the eyes. need I say more. it was a glorious 20 minutes. I can't wait till I get up to 30 minutes and surround myself by hot chicks on the treadmills. oh yeah baby....)


Notes:

As you might be able to tell, I am feeling a little amourous today. It must be the Valentines day bug hitting me. On the radio this morning, the hosts were imploring single people to stick with it, and that they should feel good that they won't lose any money on trinkets, cards, flowers, candy for their significant other. I guess that is some comfort, although in an odd way. The one thing I do get for being single is the ability to oogle good loking chicks at the health club without an ounce of guilt that I am sinning against my girlfriend, fiance, wife, etc. I can have all sorts of romantic thoughts of these anonymous (sweaty) women and feel totally secure that I am not harming a soul. In fact, it might even be good for my heart.

On the other hand, it would be nice to be at the point where feel confident enough to go up to blonde #1 and get rejected, but be rejected NOT because of my size and weight, but be rejected becuase I am a geeky, creepy, pathetic loser! That would be exciting.

One of my cheerleaders at work asked "what are we going to do after we have reached our goal? Is life always going to be this hard?"

That was a good question. I can only imagine what life will be like when I am at the goal of under 14% body fat. For one thing, this is a huge goal that is going to take at least a year to do, and then the REAL BATTLE is keeping it off for a year. That will be the ultimate goal. Anyone can lose weight, but the real hero is the one who keeps it lost and continues with a normal life, whatever normal means.

So, I answered back that "I think life will be different with 100lbs gone. There will be more opportunities to go for walks, take trips, go swimming, play raquetball, go skiing, play baseball, run around with the neices and nephews, etc. Plus, you will feel like moving more and easier. I have a feeling that life won't necessarily be harder or easier, but it will be more fun, more interesting and more rewarding."

that is more than enough for today. back to work

more later...

Chazz

Herbalife?

Motivation:

George Patton once said: 'The test of success is not what you do when you're on top.

Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.

Diary:

D: peanut butter and celery, cheese and turkey sandwich
-------------
B: eggs and sausage
S: protien bar
L: lean cuisine and xs energy and orange
S: tuna and crackers
G: elliptical 1.61 miles, 330+ calories

Notes:

I was asked today by an older gentelman at work if I would be able to take 45 minutes to discuss Herbalife. Herbalife has a customized program, with weight-loss, nutritional and personal-care products, to help create a whole new you!

He couldn't have picked a worse person to ask. I kindly shook his hand and indicated that I was already on a program and using Nutrilite, HealthPointe and XS Energy products and had already lost 40lbs since I started!

He looked very sad, and indicated that I could find him at any time if I was interested. I felt a little sad for this guy, as he probably was going 'cubicle to cubicle' asking the overweight people (of which there are many) at the office if they want to try Herbalife.

That conversation reminded me to take my vitamins.
Today I forgot my gym clothes, so I went home and got them and worked out anyway. All is well.

This weekend I wore two shirts that I have never worn before. I bought them years? ago but they were too small by the time I was ready to wear them. Today I am wearing a nice striped shirt that was brand new. Still had the tags. It feels nice.

this weekend is measurement weekend, so I have got to keep going strong.

I am thinking about saving some $$ and using my crock-pot to start creating weekly meals. This will replace the lean cuisine meals I have been buying. I like them, but they are getting boring and they are $3.25 for a 9oz package. It seems like a waste. I think I can make a weeks worth of meals in the crock pot for less than $16.25.

Chazz

Creature of Habit

Motivation:

Thomas Edison once declared: 'I am not discouraged,

because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.'

The picuture here is of Pat, Ed and I during the "rainbow nights" that I discussed in an earlier post. No more long-island iced teas for me this year. They just don't fit into the program. Probably better, since I don't know that I would like them. I noticed that the last beer I drank had a funny taste, but then I remembered, "that is how beer tastes". I just wasn't used to it.

A joke for David and Tim: New Coors tagline! "When you are drinking Coors, you are out of beer." Enjoy.

Song of the day from the mp3 player:

This is one of those songs that has absolutely no beat, so working out to it is pretty hard, but the lyrics are pretty motivational. This is one of those songs that I think "This would be nice to play at my funeral". Then I think "Why am I so morbid?" Maybe it will be my 'victory song' that i can have playing while I am showing a movie about my weight loss story, or just explaining it. Ok, enough explanation, here is the song:

Legacy, by Nichole Nordeman

listen to a snipet here: http://tinyurl.com/cx4x7

.

I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me

And I enjoy an accolade like the rest

You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery

Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best at such'n'such ...

it wouldn't matter much

.
I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights

We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'

But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides

The temporary trappings of this world

.
I want to leave a legacy. How will they remember me?

Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough

To make a mark on things? I want to leave an offering

A child of mercy and grace who blessed your name unapologetically

And leave that kind of legacy

.
I don't have to look too far or too long awhile

To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy

It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile

Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy

.
Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred

Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...

Diary:

D: Hot dogs, (hot dogs? what? I have no clue...) ramen, canteloupe
=================
B: eggs and sausage
S: grapes and sliced beef
L: Sauteed Shrimp Salad and a dinner roll. (at a business related meeting. it was ok, but I would have preffered more protien. It was a lettuce salad with a flavored vinnegrette dressing, with some shrimp and chow mein noodles on top. Actually the best part of the salad was the strawberry and pineapple on the side of the plate.)
S: shaved turkey, xs energy (I might have a 1oz packet of peanuts or slice of swiss cheese, if I get hungry on the way home)
G: ellipticle 1.64, 330+ calories, sauna.

Notes:

today was another difficult day for the program. I was invited to go to a seminar from 11:00 to 1:30, which causes two problems: 1) Since I am consulting, I am payed hourly, so being out of the office for 3 hours is not condusive to making the money, and since, as I mentioned yesterday, I am at $0.00, the timing couldn't have been worse. 2) On that same topic, it cost $17 to go to said seminar, and now that it is after the fact, I can honestly say I don't think it was worth the money. It was ok, (awwight) but whatever.. 3) that is right in the wheelhouse of my workout time, as I usually take my lunch time to go to the gym.

Luckily, I was able to leave at 11:30, and back by 1:00, so the timing was ok, enough that I could get back to work. At about 2:45, however, I reallized that I was starting to have an internal freak-out, becuase I was remembering an article I read yesterday about the warning of taking 3 or more days off of your training program. This can cause you to move backwards and can increase the chances of finding an excuse not to get back into the routine...

I couldn't stand it, so I left and did my workout, and will make up the time at work tonight. I do feel better, and I am calm and relaxed now..

I am a creature of habit. Thank God. No messages over the weekend, as these are my days off. I have a ton of work to do at home on Saturday and Sunday, from chores to tax forms, to work-related training - to other stuff and things.

Countdown:

• 8 days until the next weigh in and measurement (56.08lbs to lose)
• 35 days until the end of the St. Patricks Day Challenge (be under 399lbs)
• 60 days until the Twins home opener

more later
Chazz

$0.00 and my tank is empty...

Motivation:

we are what we repeatedly do :

success, therefore is not an accident, but a habit - Aristotle.

Diary:

D: ground beef, tomato soup, ramen, broccoli (tomato soup two nights in a row?)
====
B: eggs and sausage
S: protein bar
L: Reuben sandwich, V8 juice
S: beef jerky and peanuts
G: elliptical 1.6 miles, 330+ calories

Notes:
today everything is going wrong. early this morning, I woke up from a dream to find that I 'crunched something' in my mouth, but I couldn't figure out what it was. It felt like a tooth, but I do not feel any pain or anything loose in my mouth. I am somewhat concerned and this started my day out with a real bang!.
I got up, put everything together for lunch, dinner and snacks in my travel bag, put breakfast together, found some paperwork to take to the client site, read through some salary summaries and then left early enough to make it into work on time. Only about 5 minutes from walking in the door at work, and I realized, " I am missing something. " My travel bag with all my lunch is still sitting on a chair next to the door.... DANGIT! I have to quickly think what I will do for my snacks, and find a couple protein bars in my desk drawer and this should be ok.
Then, I started thinking about tonight. I want to go to a job-related training that is being hosted after work. It costs $10 to get in, and I had the cash on me, and planned to have dinner with me, but atgain, it is still in the travel bag, still on the chair, still next to the front door of my home. I will need to use the $10 to get lunch and afternoon snacks, and go to the bank to get more money for the training fee and for dinner out.
So I went to the bank website to find a local ATM and instead was greeted by a notice from my bank indicating my balance was $0.00. (I am not kidding, zero dollars literally was the balance...) I knew that I was going to be getting close to the edge earlier this month, but did not account the fact that my gym does direct transfers out of that account.
Well, there goes my event tonight and also a $17 lunch event that I was planning on going to tomorrow. I will need to hold out until Monday, when my next big check comes in...... AAACCKK! It isn't even NOON yet, and I am feeling the crunch.

If this would have happened to me last year, I would have panicked and probably done something stupid to harm myself further, like choosing to eat something fatty and gross, like a pile of tator tots and hot dogs. (There is a good story-bad story there, so don't let me forget to tell you about the Tator-Tot, Hot-Dog, Christmas-Fest Event. Maybe sometime later this will be funny for everyone.) I also would not have felt "in the mood" to go to the gym, under the perceived pressure of the day.

INSTEAD today I decided I WILL ADAPT and ate a protein bar, went to the gym, stopped by the shop next to the office and grabbed some treats (peanuts, beef jerky, V8, a sandwich). I can make it to the next milestone, even if I am a complete and utter bonehead! I won't let my incompetence stop my momentum.

Song of the day:
On the mp3 player today.

Everybody's talking But they don't say a thing

They look at me with sad eyes But I don't want the sympathy

Have you ever been low

Have you ever had a friend that let you down so

When the truth came out

Were you the last to know

Were you left out in the cold

'Cause what you did was low

.

I walk out of this darkness With no sense of regret

And I go without precautions We both know that you can't say that

.

"low" by Kelly Clarkson

http://tinyurl.com/apfrq

Countdown:

• 4 days until I have some money to buy groceries
• 9 days until the next weigh in and measurement (56.08lbs to lose)
• 36 days until the end of the St. Patricks Day Challenge (be under 399lbs)
• 61 days until the Twins home opener
• 109 days until Memorial Day
• 145 days until Independance Day
• 162 days until the Cleveland road trip
• 207 days until the Labor Day
• 240 days until the Homecoming 5K run
• 287 days until Thanksgiving
• 319 shopping days until Christmas

more later
Chazz

Is Happiness Possible?

Motivation:

there are no elevators to success, you have to take the stairs.

Diary:
I am switching this up a little, since I don't know tonights dinner, but I can tell you yesterdays, so for now on I will start with last nigh's meal and continue with today's plan:

D: ground pork, tomato soup, ramen noodles, green pepper
--
B: bagel and peanut butter
S: turkey and cheese
L: lean cuisine and xs energy and vitamins
S: tuna and crackers
G: ellipticle 1.6 miles, 330+ calories, dry sauna.

Notes:
The last couple of days I have noticed that the happiest times of my day start 16 minutes into my ellipticle routine and end about 10 minutes after that. If the music on my mp3 is right, then things get really wild. Today, At the 16 minute mark "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor queued up and I was enthralled with the line "Just a man and his will to survive". The music encited me to go harder until the song was over. I was so overjoyed with testosterone hormones raging, that I was doing some weird rap-musicians dance during my cool-down walk to the tune "Sugar We're Going Down" by Fall Out Boy. It most likely looked like Louis Anderson doing some sort of macumba vodoo preist's rain-dance. Again, most likely I freaked out anyone who happened to be nearby, but I was inside me own head.

Hapiness is not an emotion have not been used to on a regular basis in the last few year. I am really trying to overcome my confusion with this emotion, as during my "happy" moments, I feel almost high and out of sorts, not sure if I should smile, laugh, or cry, then afterwards I feel somewhat guilty as that is not an emotion that I associate with myself.

I wish I could stay in those 10 minutes of happiness longer. Today I wanted to just be in that ''zone" for a while, but reallized I needed to get going. I am kind of excited to see what happens over the next months to see if that 'happy feeling' oozes into the rest of the day. Scary, huh.

I get the feeling that there is a freaking superhero lying underneath the flab. I just need to 'release the hounds'. Is the world ready for this??

I just have to remind myself that I am still huge and that this is going to take virtually forever to do. One day at a time.

Chazz

the Titanic man

Motivation:

lighting a candle is much better than hours of cursing the darkness

Diary:
B: eggs and sausage
S: celery and carrots
L: lean cuisine, xs energy, vitamins
S: turkey and cheese, orange
D: ground beef "something" I will have figure out something.
G: elipticle 1.56 miles and burned 350+ calories

Notes:
This morning on a local sports talk radio show, the bonehead hosts were talking about a 700lb man who passed away and the firefighters who showed up at the scene were contemplating how to recover the man.

The radio host stated "If you get over 400lbs, why try anymore. Just eat a sandwich and shut up." "Losing weight if you are that enourmous is like throwing a lounge chair off of the deck of the titanic!" I guess we have a new standard of humor in the sports radio market.

The funny thing is, that today at workout, (I guess I should have explained a long time ago that my mp3 player is on 'shuffle mode' so I don't have control over what will play next. It randomly picks one of my 200 songs to play next. I maybe will hear 10 to 12 songs per workout, randomly chosen... I digress) today at my workout Amy Grant's "Takes a Little Time" started playing.

Chorus:

It takes a little time sometimes, to get your feet back on the ground

It takes a little time sometimes, to get the titanic turned back around

It takes a little time sometimes, but baby you're not going down

It takes more than you've got right now. Give it time.

http://tinyurl.com/aorcu

.

Obviously, I started laughing out loud, scaring the poor souls on the machines next to me. Just call me the Titanic...

Chazz "Titanic" Vader.

see you next time.

hope to find the time today

Motivation:

a ship in harbour is safe, but that's not what ships are built for

Diary:

B: eggs and sausage

S: turkey and cheese

L: lean cuisine and xs energy and vitamins and salad

S: tuna and crackers

D:

Notes:

Today is a busy work day, so getting to the gym is going to be a challenge. Tonight is men's choir, and I am excited to get back to them.

I bought a new belt on Saturday and I am pretty happy to have done that.

On Sunday I started looking at taxes and deductible transactions: It is confusing. The IRS indicates that the following are tax-deductible:

• Diet, special. When prescribed by a doctor, you can deduct the extra cost of purchasing special food to alleviate a specific medical condition
• Doctor or physician expenses
• Exercise program if a doctor has recommended it as treatment for a specific condition
• Weight loss program, if it is recommended by a doctor to treat a specific medical condition or to cure any specific ailment or disease

On another part of the IRS, I found the following description:

"You can include in medical expenses amounts you pay to lose weight if it is a treatment for a specific disease diagnosed by a physician (such as obesity, hypertension, or heart disease). This includes fees you pay for membership in a weight reduction group and attendance at periodic meetings. You cannot include membership dues in a gym, health club, or spa as medical expenses, but you can include separate fees charged there for weight loss activities.
You cannot include the cost of diet food or beverages in medical expenses because the diet food and beverages substitute for what is normally consumed to satisfy nutritional needs."

This is just the tip of information, so it can be rather confusing

PLUS I have been having a hard time finding a DOCTOR who has empathy and actual care in getting me healthier. This is a big problem with the health-care industry. They aren't actually interested in HEALTH, just getting you hooked to the system so that you have more problems and continue to need their services. If everyone was HEALTHY, doctors wouldn't have a job, so it is in thier advantage to do things that keep us alive, but not HEALTHY!

Here is the problem with the whole scenario, the government views doctors and authorities of HEALTH and requires people to get doctors to tell us what is HEALTHY and what isn't!

Long story short- In my life, I have asked many many many doctors for help with the weight loss, or to even admit that I am obese, but NONE of the doctors that I have seen would do that. They would joke and give non-helpful offhand comments about 'not eating so much' or other snide comments. I think the medical community has it in for fat people. They would be delighted if everyone was obese so that they could continue to make the almighty $$$.

So, in order to get the tax break, I have to proove that my weight loss is a treatment for a specific disease diagnosed by a physician! You have got to be kidding me. I was 480lbs!! If that isn't a problem, what is!!!!!

I am going to document to the IRS my current physical condition, put the weight loss plan on my deductions and let THEM fight with the medical establishment. It really should be easier than this.....

I will go run now. I am frustrated.

Chazz.

I just couldn't wait - so I cheated....

Song'o'the'day:
Elvis Presley - A Little Less Conversation
"Come on baby I'm tired of talking.
Grab your coat and let's start walking
A little less conversation, a little more action
All this aggravation ain't satisfactioning me
A little more bite and a little less bark
A little less fight and a little more spark"

Motivation:
The actual is limited, the possible is immense. -LaMartine
.
The 2nd part of the "Focus on the Family" program about weight loss with Nick Yphan-tides, M.D., the family physician who formerly weighed 467lbs and lost 270lbs without surgerycan be found here: http://www.oneplace.com/Ministries/Focus_on_the_Family/Default.asp
.
Diary:
b: eggs and sausage
s: ham and veggie salad (vitamins: Daily, Balanced Health, Lecithin E, Digestive Enzyme)
l: lean cuisine and xs energy
s: ham and orange and cheese
d: Beef Tenderloin Medallions (banquet at work)
gym: ran 1.5 mile on elliptical (330+ calories) and walked 1 mile.

Notes:
I have setup a new goal - October 2-8 is the Homecoming week for my Alma Matter and during the weekend there is a morning 5K run and a tailgate party. My wisconsin friend and I will plan on meeting in early august to plan the 8 week training plan for the 5K. I will need to be ready for this preperation. He indicated to me that if I am already doing one-mile walks, that's 1.6k. I will need to get my endourance up to handle the full 5K. That will be fun.

Ok. I promised that I wasn't going to try on smaller clothes until after the Feb 18 weigh-in, but tonight is an awards banquet for my company (not that I am receiving any award) and it is supposed to be rather swanky, so I thought I would put on a nice shirt and tie. Last night while I was putting clothes together, I found that my current wardrobe made me look frumpy. So I grabbed a 58 pant and 4x white shirt, and I felt much better. The pants zipped and the shirt buttoned! I look big in the size smaller clothes, but I think this is a better motivation than swimming in the clothes that are a size too big. Now I can work to make the new size fit better.

So I cheated on my plan, but I think that is ok. I just can't wait to start wearing the 4x size and mark one more goal as finished!

I can't wait to put another notch on my belt.

on Saturday, I have lots of work to do, but I think I will be taking a day off of the workout. My legs need a day of rest and light work around the house. Saturday night I go to a drumline show, and sunday is the SuperBowl!

I will write again on Monday. Have a great weekend.

Chazz.

Focus on the Family

Motivation:
.
Today's motivation comes from the radio! Today on KTIS the "Focus on the Family" program dealt with weight loss and was a timely message for me.
Nick Yphan-tides, M.D., is a family physician who formerly weighed 467lbs and lost 270lbs without surgery. You can listen to his story here: http://www.oneplace.com/Ministries/Focus_on_the_Family/Default.asp
His website is here: http://www.healthsteward.com/
One of the things he speaks to is the weight loss journey that was a pilgrimage of personal discovery and spiritual growth. "If a 467-pounder can receive the strength and ability to do what I have done, with God's help, so can YOU!!!"
One of the things he notes in the message is that he was using food and his weight as his crutch for comfort and excuse for not doing things that were uncomfortable. He found that once he had removed the action of eating when challenged he had a need to fill that gap with faith in Jesus to provide his comfort. God never intended food to replace the role that he desires in our lives.
.
Diary:
B:eggs and sausage
S: turkey and grapes
L: lean cuisine, turkey and xs energy
S: Peanut butter and celery, cheese
D: salmon steak fillet and shrimp - snow peas or green beans
Workout: ran 16 minutes on elliptical (56rpms-) and walked 1 mile.

Notes:
During my workout, I heard "Unwell" by Matchbox20. I enjoyed applying these lyrics to my weight loss challenge. "I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell. I know right now you can't tell, but stay awhile and maybe then you'll see, A different side of me. I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired. I know right now you don't care, But soon enough you're gonna think of me, And how I used to be...me" I started laughing during my elliptical workout thinking about what those lyrics will mean in, oh, about 4 - 6 months from now.
.... I love XS Energy Root Beer Flavor. I am taking a sip now and it is soo candy-like. I feel like I am drinking a candy bar.... I digress

I am finding it difficult to eat enough. I am supposed to have a lunch that is around 500-600 calories, but I am finding it difficult to eat that much at that time of day. I know that if I don't I will get in trouble later in the day.

Storytime (Good story, Bad story):
This morning I was reminded that things are slowly changing.

Bad story: a couple years ago, my father had hip surgery, and I went home to "help" around the house while he was recovering. I had some vacation time and decided to use it to be at home.
I decided to help pull some bulbs from the garden and put them into the front loader scoop of the small tractor that my father owns.
This tractor was smaller than a field tractor, but bigger than a lawn tractor. It was a small utility tractor used for mowing ditches and scooping dirt/snow in the driveway. It was used for other projects as well.
I went to the tractor to drive it over to the garden, and found that this tractor that I used to enjoy driving for hours as a youth, there was something different. I was having problems using the tractor.
I reallized that my stomach width was so enormous that I could no longer fit in the seat. The seat was too narrow and there seemed to be no room between the seat and the steering wheel. This was very embarrassing as I was trying to figure out a way to get in to the tractor. I moved the seat as far back as possible and the steering wheel as forward as possible. Still no go. My obese fat fold was jammed into the steering wheel almost dissallowing me to move the tires.
By the time I had got the tractor to the garden, I was so tired and emotionally drained that I couldn't even pull the bulbs out.
Finally a neighbor of my parents came by and pulled the bulbs out so I could gather them and take them into the garage. This was about as embarrasing a situation as I could handle.
To further add insult, Later that week, I got sick -> I beleive my body was getting back at me for forcing it to work in the garden. It turned out that my big plan for helping my parents around the house was a big embarrasing joke that I hope they will forgive me. Next time I go home I want to be able to easily get in and out of that damn tractor and actually finish a project on my own.
Good Story:
This morning while driving to work, I noticed that there was about 2 inches extra room between the seat of my car and the steering column. I think this is a good sign.
I also feel that my workout clothes (t-shirt and swimming shorts) feel loose and are waving when I walk/run. I think that after next weigh-in, I will need to invest in a new work-out outfit.
.
enough for today. tommorow I have to dress-up for a "formal banquet" being given by the consulting company. tonight I am going to look through my clothes to see if I can find nice clothes that I can wear.
I think I have come up with the short list for my first goal rewards. here they are in no particular order:

• nice salt and pepper shakers
• MensHealth Magazine subscription
• PC Computing Magazine subscription
• 'Games' Magazine subscription
• upgrade Cable TV subscription with baseball package (FoxSportsNet, etc)
• new watch band for mickey mouse watch
• Wireless Home Theater System
• Replace grandmother clock (HERMLE MOVEMENTS)
• Kidnap brother-in-law (Jman) to play racquetball at fitness center for 30 minutes.

more later.

Chazz

Good Memories, Bad memories

Motivation:

"Hands of the Potter" by Caedmon's Call

.

Lord if i'm the clay, Then i've been left out in the sun

Cracked and dry, like the mud from the sty

Still clinging to the prodigal son

.

But I'm on my way back home

Yes I'm on my way back home

Into the hands, That made wine from the water

Into the hands, The hands of the potter

.

Lord if i'm the clay then Let your living water flow

Soften up my edges, lord, So everyone will know

.

Lord, when you listen for the song of my life

Let it be, let it be, a song so sweet

.

Lord, if i'm the clay then lay me down

On your spinning wheel

Shape me into something you can fill

With something real

.

"Hands of the Potter" by Caedmon's Call

Here a snippet of the song from Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/7mm44

.

Diary:

B: bagel & peanut butter at men's morning group

S: turkey and carrots

L: lean cuisine and turkey and XS energy

S: orange and cheese and turkey

D: not sure. maybe shrimp and veggies? we will see.

workout: ran 16 minutes on elliptical + walked a mile

Notes:

Last night was Bday for Pdog, so I decided to stop at the 'bees' where I used to hang out nightly in the middle of my slump. (when I was younger and not wiser) I had 2 tall Miller Lites= 360 calories total, low carbs, ok choice. I had a protien bar to go with it, that I took from my pocket. That is like, 200 calories, so my evening was a 560 calorie jaunt. So here is the "Good Story - Bad Story" from my memories at the bee.

See the bee serves 6 different flavors of "Long Island Iced Tea" and I had a really stressful job. I made my job and my attitude an excuse for stopping in the bee and joining my coworkers with a cocktail or 13. On 'Rainbow Night', I would consume every color of the Iced Tea available. Problem is, I would get buzzed and then get hungry, so I would order food on top of the drinks. Lets remember that this is after 6pm, so I have already had a lunch, of at least 800+ calories.

the brutal math:

1 Long Island Iced Tea = 789 calories

x6 = 4734

+ McDonalds (big&tasty combo + 2 hamburgers and diet coke) = 1940

Total = 6674 (add 20% as I may be leaving something out) = 8008

this is a conservative estimate, so the real number is probably higher.

.

So that is the "Bad Memory", last night was the good memory. Here was what was good about it:

1) It was pointed out by Kelly that my face looked much different than the picture on my license and also on the badge that I wear at work. I can see a difference starting to appear.

2) I was enjoying my view of a cute girl on the other side of the bar. She had blonde hair in pigtails, beautiful eyes and a great smile and laugh. She was wearing a grey sweatshirt, but was revealing a tight pink shirt underneath. She just had a french manicure, which was a turn on for me. I was staring at her for a while, and she would look my way every now and then and smile. I was making jokes to Pat, Ed, Paul and Joanne, and the cute girl accross was laughing and carrying on with the jokes. She was totally digging me. Only problem, she was with three other guys, and I wasn't quite brave enough to talk to her while surrounded by her posse. I can't wait until I am fully confident to take advantage of those situations. Oh I am going to be the ladykiller, that is for sure. The worlds most eligible bachelor. Move over Josh Hartnett.

3) At the end of the night (8:30), Pat asked "when will you be back in for a beer?" My responce: "3 weeks." "Really?" Pat inquired, "well, you had better keep this project going, or else we are all going to kick your ass..... see you in three weeks." That meant a lot for me to have his support. I can't wait to see the look on thier eyes when they see me drowning inside my 4x shirts.

.

Other comments:

At the grocery store, the young dude behind the butcher case started chatting with me. "You are losing weight!" he said. "Do I know you?" was my response. He hadn't met me before, but was very encouraging. He gave me a couple peices of advice, and explained that he had just gone through a process of losing a bunch of weight and was just cheering me on. This kid, who I never have seen before, and would have cared less about a year ago took 15 minutes to motivate me about my plan, and give a jolt of support. I was flabergasted.

.

A woman at work asked "Are you getting taller?" Nope, but I can see why she is asking. As I start to lose weight, a couple things will happen. 1) My posture is going to improve slightly as I lose the pouch. My back and legs will get stronger and my back will be straighter. 2) It is an opticle illusion. Since I am as wide as I am tall, I appear to be a short stocky fellow. As I lose the girth, my height will appear to be a little unusual. I am excited about being a foot taller. When I pointed out the difference in my picture on my badge and my current face, she indicated that I looked 7 years younger. She initially thought I was 40! ha ha

.

Well, I am flooded with things to say, but I am running out of time. I would like to talk about all of the gifts and blessings that I am uncovering as I get more fit. Things like Confidence, Swagger, Flirtations, Self-Respect (and Other-Respect) and Energy to do the kinds of things that I felt were not something that a fat obese lazy man would do. I will have to elaborate on this more later, but I feel like if I can do this weight loss thing, there is nothing that I can't do. It make my work better becuase I am confident to make decisions and prioritize my work in ways that I did not before.

.

Tommorow I think I will discuss the small tractor on my father's farm. There is a story there that needs to be told.

.

Chazz