Overcoming the Fear of Failure

This week: the "Hog-Line" remembered, thoughts about Church Shopping & Sports Nutrition Class, and updated measurements (lifting, running, weight loss and fat loss)

I had a "unsettled" week - just contemplating my life decisions, job, relationships, goals, and activities. I don't have any second thoughts that I am not doing good things, or making good decisions, I am just wondering if I am making "THE RIGHT" decisions, for example: Are my goals actually going to make a difference? Am I in activities that are meeting my needs (physical, social, mental, emotional)? Am I in the right job, or career? I can become paralyzed by these panic-filled questions, and have to force myself to relax and break from the minutia.

I think it may also be exaggerated since I have been in a weight-loss plateau this week, and this is frustrating. I have been feeling hungry all the time and want to just eat desserts all day. I am not sure where this feeling came from, it could be the cold weather, the dark hours, the holidays, etc.

So, I have been trying to get inspiration from my daily reading and meditation, and did find some relief that may be helpful.

Motivation:

"Good choices come from experience. Experience comes from bad choices."

Diary:

I don't know why I get these feelings of inadequacy, but sometimes it happens and just sticks with me for a while. All week I have had the feeling in my gut that "something isn't right" with what I am doing. I am not succeeding with my goals, and am wondering if my goals are the right ones. Am I doing too much? Am I not doing enough? Am I bored with my goals? What is wrong?

I read some articles on "Why you aren't achieving" and it didn't resonate with me, but was interesting reading.

Then I found some insight from a short conversation with my father on the telephone, who encouraged me to do the little things - get something done, then work on the next thing. His analogy of a mason jar filled with nuts, but maybe a few marshmallows near the bottom. If you continue to shake the jar, the marshmallows will rise to the top. (Sometimes I feel like my jar is just full of nuts.....) That conversation reminded me of this article at the PicktheBrain blog

"It is relatively easy to envision an outcome that results from thinking big. For example, if I close my eyes I can imagine standing atop the summit of Mt Everest. The difficulty comes when you think about the journey - in this case the long trek and dangerous ascent through the Death Zone. Suddenly, standing atop the summit seems a much harder.

To overcome this problem, start small. As Lao Tzu once said: “A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” Here are 3 practical ways you can achieve big outcomes by starting small:

Focusing on the next action is a simple and powerful way to overcome procrastination, gain clarity, and establish accountability. As David writes in his book, “without a next action, there remains a potentially infinite gap between current reality and what you need to do.”

What are you putting off until tomorrow/next week/next year? Perhaps it’s something tangible, like calling a friend or spending more time with your children. Or perhaps it’s something less tangible, such as happiness or love. If you’re waiting until tomorrow for “something” to happen, consider this: in so many ways, it’s your days that define your life. The way you live each day–the words you speak, the thoughts you think, and the actions you take–are what shape your life and determine what it will stand for.

Yes, it’s important to plan for tomorrow, but be sure that you’re making the most of the present. Don’t hold back living your best life till tomorrow . Start today, because what you do today that will determine tomorrow."

So, I did just that this week, I stepped out of the comfortable, and visited some new church groups who have young adults and singles. I am not sure what I was looking for - friendship, enlightenment, a new perspective that it closer to the experiences I am having, overcome boredom and loneliness? all of the above, I guess.

The church I went to had a big section of the bulletin indicating that all of the young adults were invited to go to an event at a local Baptist church scheduled for later that evening. I have been to a few of these "type of events", and remember them mostly consisting of "new-age" Christian music, a lot of hand waving, and some rah-rah speeches. It doesn't do much for me, to be honest. But I decided to go and see what was there.

When I walked in, there was silence. Candles were everywhere and no band at the front of the chapel. I sat down and was told that we were to sit in silence and listen for the still soft voice. We were in silence for only a few minutes, and I could have had more, to be honest. My days are filled with noise - all the time - to have a few minutes of just listening to silence - it was exciting. "Silence" isn't the same as nothing. It is something, not just a gap between noise. Silence has a weight to it, and a feeling, although I would be unable to fully describe what the feeling is like. It is different every time. I became reminded of what a value silence has, and that I don't take the time to just listen - not listen to the radio, the tv, the ipod, the traffic, the co-workers, the neighborhood kids, but just listen to silence. It was wonderful. It is like the feeling of walking around at an early hour of the day, before anyone else is awake.

After the service, I ran into an old friend of mine, who at first didn't recognize me, but she said that she knew it was me when I smiled. With my regular frown face, I was not familiar to her, but when she saw my smile and my eyes, she knew it was me - weight loss or no - it was great she was encouraging and I was so happy to make that reconnection. We both happened to feel like going to this service at the same time - there were many hundreds of reasons we could not have been there, excuses we could have used to not go, stay home and be comfortable. We talked for a while, and I am better off for going to this church service. I was left with the feeling that I should step out of my comfort zone more often - who knows what illumination and connection I will find.

The PicktheBrain site I quoted earlier also has this nugget about Sustaining Self Motivation
also has more information that helped me put things in perspective this week about connecting with others, and networking with new people and making friendly connections :

"In most cases, life is not a zero-sum game. Another person’s success does nothing to detract from yours and frequently enhances it. Instead of making rivalries, develop friendships. Your competitors are usually the people you can relate the most to. Do what you can to help them. Share advice and recognize good work. This type of giving not only inspires others to return the favor, but it creates an infectious feeling of goodwill around you and your projects. People are attracted to positive vibes."

The last thought on this Fear of Failure rant - comes from the LifeHack.org website. It discusses how to deal with the "I can't" attitude:

"The key to overcoming your lack of confidence in your ability is to just throw away all expectations of an end goal and let your happiness stem from the simple fact that you have started doing it! All good things in life take some time to perfect, and you will have good days and bad days, but don’t attach too much importance to one or the other; in either case, just be grateful for the opportunity to expand yourself and find out what you are truly capable of."

This sounds like something that my dad would tell me - wait, I think he did... and still does, time and time again.


the "Hog-Line"
I was surprised and delighted to get an email from a high-school classmate. (Let me set this up a little.) On Saturday, my friend Pat was giving me a hard time about the Nebraska Cornhuskers losing yet another game in the NCAA Football arena. I was able to quickly give him a jab back by reminding him that his Minnesota Golden Gophers are about as pitiful as the Nebraska team. (Maybe they should play each other for this year's toilet bowl??)

I said something to the affect that "I should be the Middle Linebacker, and I could really hit somebody."

Pat's response was "Nope, you are too small!" Ha! I used to be a Nose Tackle - now I am too small to be a Linebacker...

The next day, I got an email from Erik, one of my classmates, who was an auxiliary member of the "Hog Line" (consisting of Chris and Jason on the ends and me in the center) - the three biggest guys on the football team. Erik was not as big as us, but he was tough and filled in on the line for a good running push. He grew up a little more than a mile from my home, and was a good friend in high school. Hearing from him brought back a few memories..

Erik found my site www.chazzvader.com and sent me a nice note. He says:

"I work out 5 times a week..... I was always taught to finish what was on my plate so I could be rewarded with dessert...REWARDED!"

Isn't it the truth. I remember being cautious to eat everything so I could get dessert. "Eat all your dinner". It is sort of a backwards mentality for a culture that continues to have obese kids increasing in numbers. Even today, we "Celebrate" with food. What is a celebration, holiday office party, for example, without a huge buffet, open bar, all the fried chicken wings you can eat? How do you celebrate?

I am grateful for Erik's message, and encourage him and all of you to have a save holiday. Try not to get too caught up in the celebrations that you reward yourselves with the wrong things.


Notes:

It has been about a month since I updated the statistics on my weight loss, and I want to update the Running Map and the Statue of Liberty Poster. I will attempt to finish these up today and see how it turns out!

See the sidebar for the updated stats and weight loss measurements.

Run from Denver to Chicago = so far 25 miles have been run.

Here is what it looks like on the map - not too impressive yet, and we have a LOOOONNNGG way to go to get to Chicago.








Lift the Statue of Liberty = so far I have lifted reps of weight equivalent to 129,925lbs.

Here is what that looks like on Lady Liberty. I may need to find another thing to lift once I am done with her, or I can lift her a few more times. (She is a rather tall lady)











Goals!
Full Spreadsheet is found here:
http://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=pd_MzRMQiFVTY8vIzZWnNTQ&hl=en

Geek / Professional Goals
1.	Learn Adobe Dreamweaver Read "Dreamweaver CS3 Visual Quickstart Guide" by Peachpit Press and start building a website using Dreamweaver.	No progress this week. The book is sitting where it was a week ago.
2.	Other studies	I attended a Sports Nutrition Seminar at the local Health Center (the same place where my Goddaughter was born) It was very nice. I recorded it and would be happy to share it with anyone who is interested.
3.	Get involved in Professional Peer Networking	I am now a STC Technical Publications Judge. I received my 3 submissions from NY Metro and am ready to get into them and see how this process works.
Health / Fitness Goals
4.	Lose the last of my fat - Turn "love pillows" into "love handles" - Eat a variety of "Real Clean Healthy" foods - Sleep well - Take my daily supplements and water - commit to fitness routine	Followed my Eating Diary all week Fitness Plan on M, T, W, Th, F Bed by 11pm Gained 1lb this week
5.	Be a lean muscle-bound stud - Lift the Statue of Liberty - Lift weights M, W, F - 6000lb minimum each workout	Lifted weights on M, W Lifted 33,285 lbs of weight during circuit training workouts Will update Statue of Liberty Chart the first weekend of every month
6.	Beat my own time in 5K - Run from Denver to Chicago - Run/Jog/Walk 3+ miles each Tu, Thur, Sat	Ran 6 miles Will update the Google Map the first weekend of every month. Plan on participating in the Reindeer Run in Minneapolis. Need to start training for this - running outside in the cold weather is going to be a challenge.
Social / Creative Goals
7.	Transfer Old Home Movies to DVD	No progress this week. Need to spend an hour testing my hardware setup as proof of concept.
8.	Interview and record my heroes for netcasts	No progress this week. I need to setup time with Karl to finish our interview.
9.	Get involved in church, family, and social network	I visited 3 new churches this week, and found a couple that I could see going to - they are focused on small groups, have young adult and single's groups and seem to be friendly.
Emotional / Personal Goals
10.	Enjoy Music and participate in Music	No Accordion practice this week I sang with the Eagan Men's Chorus practice.
Home / Financial Goals
11.	Pay off credit card and personal debt - Save $4000 to be reserved specifically for debt payment	Saved $80 this week into my holding account -> slowly moving forward on the financial debt goals.
12.	Have an uncluttered home, car, book bag and mind. - Declutter house throughout the year - 1 room every 3 months	Cleaned out car, Did dishes, laundry, took out trash, cleaned kitchen, bathroom, living room, dining room, bought groceries and prepared my meals for the week.

more later,

Chazz

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