Just not getting it today.... motivation is gone...

Motivation:



Diary:

so, here is the deal, I haven't been really sticking to the meals the last two days, am slipping a little bit. I have kind of taken a mental vacation Wed - Thursday, as I haven't been as motivated as I should be.

I ran 2.27 miles on the elliptical on Wednesday, but no workout on Thursday. I did have a rough evening on Wednesday and ate a pizza. I felt guilty about this Thursday, and mentally was out of it. I didn't get much work done, didn't feel good about my situation in the world and was just melancholy all day. I felt anxious about my job (should I look for a new job, should I get some different education/certification, am I getting paid enough) my home (should I move, should I relocate), my car (was I stupid for buying this vehicle, will they be able to fix my AC, will I afford a rise in gas prices), my finances (will I afford everything, should I get a roomate to help pay expenses, could I have a roomate and not go insane, or them not go insane), my health (are the lab results ok, will I be able to continue to lose weight, why is my gut still huge), my future (will I ever become somebody great for someone special, why did I eat that pizza last night)....... etc......... I am not sure why some days these little questions/anxieties plaque me all at the same time. These melancholy days make me think about all the mistakes I have made in life and wonder why I was so stupid in the past, then I think about my current situation and how this can be possibly changed for the better.

I know this 'barrage if insecurity' will pass, but it is difficult to deal with at the time.

So, Thursday afternoon, I decided that I needed a stiff drink, and went to the local water holefor a vodka-diet, or some such thing. This did the trick, temporarily. I felt calm and the little voices in my head started to dissapate. I was easily talked into going to the race-track for "Dollar Thursday", as I have never done this before, and needed a new experience to get me out of my dulldrums.

I found the following: 1) The race track is fun. It is a cross between the county fair, with smells of livestock and fresh hay, but also a little bit like the casino with betting and people getting excited about 'their horse', but also a little bit like scoring a baseball game. There are lots of statistics regarding the horse, rider and trainier that are published that can be reviewed over and over in many different ways.

AND There is a whole other aspect, which is sitting outside on a nice evening, people watching (aka - young ladies in sundresses), and drinking a beer. There were lots of good looking young people outside enjoying the evening and this was definetely the place to be. Sitting there kind of got my motivation for the F25K program back in line. I could get hooked on this venue - would like to be able to enjoy it with a little less of me to haul around.

Since it was dollar night, I didn't have to spend a lot of money to have a good time. $1 entry fee, $1 bets, $1 beer, $1 hot dog. There were only 9 races (we stayed around for 6 of them) so, you potentially can have fun for only a few dollars and if your picks are lucky, walk out even.

Friday, I will hit the elliptical again, and get back into a routine. This weekend I need to get some serious housekeeping done.

Next post, I might talk about a picture that was taken at my grandma's farm while at my uncle's funeral. I need to look at the program again, so I might have a little mental review of where I am at.

more later,

Chazz